There's a lot of bad things in the world today: North Korea being grumps, cold weather, The Colbert Report going off the air. It might seem like a never-ending cycle of pain, but fear not! America's savior has arrived.
Like a beautiful angel cast down from the clouds, this turkey slurping gal is courageously healing the hearts of Americans -- dare we say all of humanity -- one slice of cold, processed meat at a time.
The man behind her attempts the same feat, but is simply not worthy.
We just hope this turkey slurpee is in fact real, we've suffered enough heartache already.