Christmas has finally arrived and the women of Twitter are very excited. Instead of putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, Abbi Crutchfield is changing it up a bit this year: "Believing in Christmas magic as an adult means you can stay up late for Santa by bar-hopping." Sounds about right to us.
It's safe to say Santa won't be bar-hopping, just house-hopping. Which got Twitter user Susan Burke thinking "I bet Mrs. Claus really hates that song Santa Baby." At least Mrs. Claus won't have Charlene deGuzman to worry about, given her clever romance-avoidance technique: "*eats the mistletoe.*"
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Just ate the most interesting salad. It had gingerbread cupcake in it! No lettuce or anything, just cake & icing.
— alyssa kramer (@kramediggles) December 22, 2014
I bet Mrs. Claus really hates that song Santa Baby.
— Susan Burke (@ThatSusanBurke) December 24, 2014
I will stay awake for as long as it takes me to find something to watch on Netflix, then I will fall asleep two seconds after pressing play
— Caro (@socarolinesays) December 23, 2014
I'm in Walmart on xmas eve. Do with that what you will. (Hopefully "that" involves saving me".
— Amanda Seales (@amandaseales) December 24, 2014
Believing in Christmas magic as an adult means you can stay up late for Santa by bar-hopping.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 23, 2014
I always have to shower after I park my car, because I can't stop ridin' dirty.
— Jess! (@ImJESSPlayin) December 23, 2014
Can't decide if I should cancel the date I have this Friday on Christmas Eve, Christmas or the day of. Don't want to seem rude!
— Lauren Greenberg (@LaurenGreenberg) December 24, 2014
i guess i kind of get jesus cause every year we throw him a birthday party and he's like no thanks to showing up
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) December 21, 2014
Be vigilante this holiday season for disease runs rampant; three friends have already caught "feelings" and the symptoms are disgusting.
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) December 24, 2014
Pretty sure the deepest circle of hell is a mall on Christmas Eve.
— Ellie Hall (@ellievhall) December 24, 2014
Maybe we aren't as smart as past generations, but we're like way cuter in pics.
— Bookish (@BookisherBunny) December 23, 2014
It's an epic battle during the holidays between being lonely but still not being able to stand most people.
— heather* (@heatherlou_) December 23, 2014
2015 is less than two weeks away and we still don't have USB ports in our arms to charge our phones with
— Kate Beckman (@Kate_Beckman) December 21, 2014
Guys guys guys. What if Jdate had a jingle called "All I Want for Christmas is a-" oh wait am I allowed to make this joke?
— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) December 24, 2014
IHTM: I Went On A Made-For-TV Holiday Movie Binge And Learned 'Career Women' Die Alone
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) December 24, 2014
I almost just accidentally watched your end of the year social media video, that was a close one.
— Molly (@MollySneed) December 22, 2014
when u realize it's 3 days till christmas 🎅🎄 pic.twitter.com/sJJ3cagRyw
— Typical Girl (@ReIatabIeFemale) December 22, 2014
our dads are all at Walgreens buying our presents right now
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 24, 2014
treat yourself with the same tenderness, benefit of the doubt, and understanding that you did with your worst ex
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) December 21, 2014
These holiday endorphins are really getting to me. I am closing way too many emails with Love for people I'm not really there with yet
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) December 23, 2014
Calls ghost busters to get rid of the Christmas spirit
— Just Jane (@jdforshort) December 22, 2014
*eats the mistletoe*
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) December 24, 2014
When you run out of Christmas wrapping paper pic.twitter.com/IdPIiki6vU
— Kardashian Reactions (@KardashianReact) December 22, 2014
Every Jewish male comedy writer should just wish he were as witty as Nicki Minaj
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) December 17, 2014
This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
— Jess [ham] (@thejessbess) December 15, 2014
Please have more chill than 2014 did.
— Mackenzie Kruvant (@mkruvant) December 22, 2014
'Twas the night before Christmas and I was sexting my TC...
— CinderellaHips (@latte_drama) December 22, 2014
My mom asked why I was putting hummus on pumpkin bread and I snapped at her for always questioning my choices. #HomeForTheHolidays
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) December 23, 2014
As soon as fb gives us the option to post stickers in statuses, all of my posts will be limited to cats kneading dough and typing on laptops
— Rebecca Darling (@RococoVintage) December 22, 2014
Season 2 of Serial: Who the f hacked Sony?
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) December 22, 2014
Walmart's new name is "The Stuff Library" based on how many times I've used things and then returned them when I was done.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) December 22, 2014