Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Every time we take our dog to obedience school I can't help but think about everything that we did wrong when we were training our kids.
— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) January 12, 2015
Me: Do you want to do your homework right now so it isn't a big fight tonight as usual?
7yo: No thanks. I like to do things the hard way.
— James (@JamesHudyma) January 13, 2015
Delayed school openings: Because every parent wants an extra 90 minutes with their kids on a Monday morning.
— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) January 12, 2015
I'm sorry, he never acts like this. He must be coming down with something.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 12, 2015
Had a great day with my 8 year old!
(caved in to to all his demands)
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) January 12, 2015
The only knock-knock joke my toddler knows is the one that has a million knocks and no punch line.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 13, 2015
I've been carrying an acorn in my pocket for 3 months; I never know when my son might want it back & I want to avoid a meltdown. PARENTING!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 13, 2015
I dropped off my kids in the IKEA daycare, 17 days ago. They're still putting together their kitchen cabinets.
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) January 14, 2015
Me, starting to correct the 3yo: Hey, hey, hey!
3yo: You coulda been getting down to dis sick beat!
Aaand no more Taylor Swift.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) January 14, 2015
That moment when you wave goodbye to a guest and realise that your 3 year old has been naked from the waist down for some time. Yes. That.
— Caitríona Redmond (@wholesomeIE) January 14, 2015
*4 walks out of bathroom*
"What did you feed me last night!"
— Dakota (@One_FineMess) January 15, 2015
Pregnant? To prepare for feeding your future child, spend the next several months dining out with an allergy-prone, PMSing vegan.
— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) January 15, 2015
At this point, 2/3 of my parenting strategy is YouTube videos of trucks.
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) January 14, 2015
Son: I'm stepping on your shadow
Me: Yeah? Which part?
Son: Your bum. It's the biggest & fits both my feet.
How a mother starts her day.
— Martinis & Minivans (@martinisandmini) January 15, 2015
Parents who are not wearing pajamas when you drop your kids off at school: I admire you. (I will never be you, though)
— Allison the Meep (@allisonthemeep) January 15, 2015
Demise of literature in schools illustrated by my 10yo seeing "To Kill A Mockingbird" and believing it to be a sequel to "Hunger Games."
— Kelly Phillips Erb (@taxgirl) January 15, 2015
"Stop, drop and roll" but for the kids to exit the car quickly when I take them to school.
— snowjob (@canadasandra) January 16, 2015
When my wife says “That’s cute” about the kids, she means “That’s cute”
When she says it about me, she means “Do it again & I will end you”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 16, 2015