With 2015 in full swing, Kate Spencer had a great idea for this year's cultural touchstone: "I don't know about you guys but I'm ready for 2015 to be the year of the dick slip." We're totally in.
In other news, everyone is counting down the days until the release of the "Fifty Shades Of Grey" movie. Some are actually excited to see it, while others are simply confused: "These 50 Shades Of Grey ads make it look like the Olive Garden of Bondage," Lizz Winstead tweeted. Yea, we're not sure about those trailers either. (But we're still going to see it, obviously.)
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I don't know about you guys but I'm ready for 2015 to be the year of the dick slip.
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) January 12, 2015
One time in middle school a mean girl told me "Hold my hand, you lesbian!" and I still, at 26, have no idea what was happening there.
— Gaby Dunn (@gabydunn) January 12, 2015
A dating site that sets you up with people based on what house you'd be at Hogwarts. Gryffindor, 26/f/nyc seeking Ravenclaw/Slytherin.
— Ali Vingiano (@alivingiano) January 12, 2015
you say potato, I say where is this relationship going
— Sandy Honig (@sandyhonig) January 12, 2015
Big ups to Trader Joe's Celtic Cheddar Cheese Trio for reminding me that I'm descended from garbage people.
— Molly McAleer (@molls) January 13, 2015
These 50 Shades Of Grey ads make it look like the Olive Garden of Bondage.
— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) January 13, 2015
I will give five whole dollars to the first journalist who writes a piece about a man earnestly titled "Can He Have It All?"
— alison becker (@thealisonbecker) January 13, 2015
Beyonce teaches good manners, like “Driver, roll up the partition, please.” Very polite.
— Elise Foley (@elisefoley) January 13, 2015
Zooey Deshanel is pregnant and something tells me her baby shower will set a world record for most "Awwww's" said in a single day.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 13, 2015
If you’re ever with me when I’m having a breakdown just pretend to call for help on a banana and I’ll be fine.
— Giulia Rozzi (@GiuliaRozzi) January 14, 2015
I like to discuss my heavy flow on first dates, so men know that I'm fertile.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 14, 2015
Skills include: probably gonna know the "Bye, Bye, Bye" choreography until the day I die, tbh.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) January 15, 2015
It's ok to wear white to a wedding as long as you're thinner than the bride, right?
— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) January 15, 2015
Pro tip: divorce your work husband and get work alimony!
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 16, 2015
Friends don't let friends go this long without getting laid.
— Miss Fuckalicious (@PyrBliss) January 16, 2015
I'm sitting in a google hangout alone, watching myself eat a candy cane.
— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) January 16, 2015
You guys, I legit just got a residual check from the B'way show I did when I was twelve. $1.91. Show business does pay off kids.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) January 16, 2015
Assume that I want to hold your baby
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) January 11, 2015
The only baggage I bring into the relationship are Cool Ranch Doritos
— Thpirit Fingerth (@thexythara) January 13, 2015
Whoever coined the phrase 'there are no stupid people, only stupid questions' was an idiot.
— inDeenile (@mydmac) January 15, 2015
S is about the only thing that salad and sexy have in common
— Anna Nonymous (@osoplain) January 13, 2015
Wait. Why did Melissa Joan Hart just follow me? Did I tweet about Clarissa?
— Ashley Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 16, 2015
just ate an egg biscuit so messily I feel like I should lose the right to trial by jury or something
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) January 16, 2015
I've constructed a dream board, it's all Meryl Streep and cable TV logos.
— emilynussbaum (@emilynussbaum) January 16, 2015
If you live in NYC, know how to fold a fitted sheet and aren't a complete uggo contact me for an exciting business opportunity.
— TracieEganMorrissey (@TracieMorrissey) January 16, 2015