01/27/2015 07:09 pm ET Updated Jan 27, 2015

Dear Future Partner: Please Don't Scare The Hell Out Of Me With Your Marriage Proposal

christian.plochacki via Getty Images

Dear Future Partner,

What's up? It's cool that you're thinking about marrying me. Good call.

Every time I read about a marriage proposal where the guy surprises the woman in some ridiculous way — so much so that she ends up terrified or crying because she thought she was in a horrible balloon accident but actually her fiancé planned that balloon accident so he could propose to her when she fell to the ground — I just think, Fuck you, dude.