03/17/2015 12:00 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

'I'm Queer No Matter Who I'm With. I Won't Define Myself Differently For Your Comfort'

A family member asked me last week why I continue to identify as queer, even though I’m a woman who is in a long-term relationship with a man: “Give me one good reason why you have to call yourself ‘queer.’” She added that I could save myself a lot of trouble if I wore my opposite-sex relationship more openly, like some kind of hetero-veil to block bigots. I explained that I’d signed a contract with some very shady people, and that it said that I would have to publicly identify this way for a certain number of years and, if I said who, they’d have me killed.

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