08/02/2006 06:50 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

A Rebuttal to Mel

Amidst all of the understandable uproar over Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic statements while intoxicated during a DUI arrest this past week, I think one fact has been lost. Drunk or not drunk, the man was making an argument. In this day and age, where the argument has been so denigrated by the likes of Hannity, Limbaugh and O'Reilly, are we really to leave unchallenged Gibson's statements that "Jews cause all the wars!" simply because he had a fifth in his hand and was out for a ride? Are we to ignore everything written by George W Bush from 1973 to 1978? Are we to discount the famous W missive "Yo Sharon, me and Gary are comin' by the condo for some toot at three"? Of course not.

Alcohol does not affect the impermeability of ideas. They must be treated on their own merit. So let us answer Mr. Gibson's charges, as foul as they seem. Before we do, let's summarize once again what they are: 1) The Jews cause all the wars in the world 2) The Highway Patrolman may be a Jewish conspirator sent to bring Mr. Gibson down 3) What was "sugar tits" looking at?

Right away I'm going to eliminate the third point because we can assume "sugar tits" was looking at Mr. Gibson and hopefully that's a point of agreement that helps us from falling into a typical right wing/left wing argument.

Now, in the name of fairness, for my rebuttal to Mr. Gibson's argument (which I do find quite offensive and do, in fact, disagree with very much) I am going to level the playing field by drinking a fifth of alcohol and driving...

Two Hours Later... Adam is no longer typing. I am his assistant Trevor. I am very frightened. This was a bad idea. Adam is on medication. He drank a lot of some kind of liquor...I think it's called... Slivovitz? He's weaving towards the car...he's wearing a backwards fencing mask and no shirt...

Adam: Okay Mr. Gibson...

Adam vomits up an army soldier and some spree candy.

Adam: Why can't I get this key in the car?!! Trevor!!

Adam is trying to use a circus peanut to start the car. Several cop cars have pulled into the driveway.

Police Officer: Easy big fella...

Adam: Are you Catholic? Answer me! Did Mel send you?! Did he?!! Mel can read women's minds... Don't you get it..?

Police Officer: Alright, we're gonna take you in for awhile...

Adam: Freedom!!! Freedom!!!!

At this point Mr. McKay was taken away in the squad car. He yells out the window as they drive away:

Adam: And that's my rebuttal!