"I want to be president." -- Mitt Romney, Jan. 9, 2015
To explain why Mitt Romney, the twice-run, twice-refused presidential candidate tossed his hat into the 2016 ring this week, look no further than the The Washington Post for proper analysis. Then think about the epicly juvenile movie Step Brothers to bring it all together.
Think of Romney as Dale, played by actor John C. Reilly, more entitled than his new-found half-sibling. And think of Jeb Bush as Brennen, played by Will Ferrell, which is easy given the comedian's facility for impersonating another brother, George W. Bush. Are you following so far?
Sibling rivals from the start, each is consumed with jealousy and every-ready to one-up the other. So when Jeb (aka, Brennan) decides it's time to run for president, well then Mitt (aka, Dale) says, I'm already, practically elected, brah.
Here are one-liners from the movie that we might as well be reading on twitter:
Believing he's a cut above, Mitt says to Jeb, "You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors."
Seeing Jeb as the real RINO (Republican in Name Only), Mitt observes, "This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn."
Struggling to be hip, Mitt orders, "You have to call me Dragon."
With that tortured analogy established, it was not surprising that Romney rose so suddenly this week to vote himself into the race. Whereas Jeb Bush's entrance was quick but well rehearsed, Romney's was quick but sloppy. Bush was careful to suggest his candidacy; he'd be exploring the possibility of a run. Romney was characteristically tone-deaf, telling donors he wants to be president, not really asking.
In the parlance of playcallers, it was the difference between the Trial Balloon and the Trump. One to float a candidacy. Another to presume it.
It'll be fun to watch. They'll fight over the drums and for the top bunk, but somehow come together. "Brennan I can't even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus."