Facebook Announces "One Click" Privacy Settings, Blood Sample Optional

In light of recent criticism surrounding privacy issues on the popular social networking site, Facebook, founder Mark Zuckerberg has responded to critics by announcing the creation of a "one click" privacy setting.

Upon activation, the default on all settings and applications immediately reverts to private. Personal information is thereby restricted to anyone the user does not specify and cannot be shared or distributed without the user's explicit approval.

To activate this simple new feature, go to your Facebook homepage and click on "Account." Next, scroll down to Privacy Settings. As you click these settings, hold down the option key on your keyboard. If your keyboard has two option keys, hold down the key on the left hand side. But don't hold it down for more than 3 seconds or with any finger but the index finger on your right hand. It's highly sensitive. You'll know that you've followed this step correctly when your birthdate, home town, and blood type appear.

Next, you'll be taken to the newly created privacy page. On this page you will simply have to enter the code "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42." Done correctly, an icon of a goat will appear and you'll be promoted to buy it for two zuzim. These are virtual zuzim so there is no cost to you. From here you're practically done. At this point a retina scanner will appear. This is optional, so don't feel compelled to provide a scan. For those who opt out of the retina scan, Facebook will send a registered nurse to your home to collect a DNA sample in the form of a hair follicle, sperm, or ovum. Once you've received confirmation of your sample, return to the homepage, follow and repeat the steps above and you're done.