A Personal Tale Of Adventure And Inadequacy

There has been more than one occasion that I've thought to myself, "I'm not a very good mom."

After my son was born I felt like I wasn't enjoying it enough, when other women seemed to love new motherhood.

I don't take him to playgroups and story time as often as I'd like. Sometimes I let him play with things I know he's not supposed to because I don't want to hear him cry. Half of my week is devoted to clients while my nanny looks after him.

When I imagine that other moms spend more time with their babies every day, I start to feel inadequate.

I'll think, "Maybe he needs more baby friends." That soon turns into "maybe I'm not a very good friend," which leads to "maybe I'm not even a very good wife."

Isn't it funny how feeling inadequate in one area can leak into other areas of our life?

When unchecked, our mind will lead us to believe stories that aren't real.

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So when my nanny told me she'd be taking two weeks to vacation in Hawaii, I took off work from coaching clients and had all the best intentions of doing "good mom" things every day.

But when it came down to it, all I wanted to do was let him play in the grass while I gardened, pour over my favorite cookbooks together to figure out what's for dinner, and take long lazy strolls.

During one of these long walks in the hot summer sun, I was thinking about how I wanted to go to the farmers market, get a workout in, and how there is never enough time to do all these things.

I got shaken from these thoughts when I heard a young couple around the corner fighting very, very loudly.

They were banging their fists on the roof of a car and screaming at one another. It was clearly a very passionate fight, with things flying out of their mouths like "I still love you and care about you but how can you treat me like this!"

Partly enthralled and partly embarrassed, I ducked down a road I had never taken before.

I walked about a quarter mile and suddenly, as the dirt road made way to large meadows and overflowing blackberry bushes, I was an eight-year-old kid playing in my backyard again.

I had found my way out of suburbia into this magical wonderland.

I pushed the stroller to the side of the road, took Kai in my arms, and started picking berries. We were eating blackberries by the handful, our lips stained with juice, our hearts and bellies full.

I didn't care that the berries hadn't been washed, or that the sun was hot, or that I probably needed to get him home for his nap.

We were there, together, totally in the moment.

A sudden, very clear voice came into my head that told me, "You are a really good mom."

I was surprised to hear this voice and yet knew, that when we get really quiet, we can finally hear what our hearts have wanted to tell us all along.

Think of an area in your life where you feel inadequate. Is there a way that you could look at the situation differently? Is there a chance that the problem already has the answer laying buried like a seed in good soil, just waiting for you to give it light?

I want you to know that you are beautiful and special and uniquely made. There is a gift that only you have, that only you can offer to the world. It needs you to let go of being hard on yourself so that you can shine brightly.

Love,

Alexis

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