THE BLOG
01/30/2015 10:52 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Why I'm Embracing the 'Designated Ugly Fat Friend' Title

The DUFF -- the Designated Ugly Fat Friend. I don't know why it's a thing now to talk about being a DUFF as if it's a good thing. Someone sent me a pic of Kylie Jenner wearing a shirt saying "I'm somebody's DUFF" and it made me sad. Why? Because I think being a DUFF is a state of mind.

Some would say, what does Kylie Jenner know about being a DUFF? I'm not going to question that. I'm going to think that at one point she's felt like she's been judged simply by how she looks, compared to others around her and felt lacking. At 6 feet tall, I usually stand out. I'm heads and shoulders over most people, even the guys. Being overweight in a sea of size twos and fours also makes me stand out.

I understand the premise behind DUFF -- being the person who looks different, and not what some might think is as attractive. They are kept around to make others look more desirable -- but I don't get why it's a thing now. Why would you want to own that you think you're not as good/pretty/lovable/worthy as someone else? Why do we need to have a label? Why can't we just be ourselves and get on with life?

Why do we look at people who look different than us, or "society's" idea of beautiful and make it a bad thing? I've been told by a guy that I'd be "datable" if I lost weight. I wasn't interested in this person before, but once I heard that, I wasn't interested in even being his friend.

"Oh, you're all kinds of cute and hot and all, I'd even date you if you had a brain and some common sense!"

If I said that to someone, I'd be considered rude, selfish and shallow. Or maybe I wouldn't. I try really hard in my life not to judge people by their appearances and to get to know their personality. This guy is witty, sarcastic, so talented and the kind of guy I'd love to hang out with. Others judge him on his crazy hair and think otherwise. I know he and I would have things in common and we'd be friends.

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If people want to say I'm a DUFF, then I'm gonna own it -- I can be a DUFF, but on my own terms.

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In other words, I'm a friend. A good friend. That is all.

Originally posted on my blog, Losergurl.