The other night, my husband was bathing the kids while playing a game on his phone. For some reason, it sent me over the edge. I walked into the bathroom and, a bit bitter from my crazy day, made some passive-aggressive comment about him playing on his phone instead of watching the kids. Yeah, I get it, my kids are 6 and 3, they are cool in the bathtub and don't need a set of eyes on them all the time. But, I couldn't control myself and felt sh*tty the moment the words came out.
We do our best to split responsibilities around the house and with the kids, and my husband is an amazing father and husband! But for some reason, I felt the need to attack him for something that really did not matter. The same thing happened a few days before, when he dressed our daughter in polka dots and plaid. I was so irritated with something that really made no difference.
This got me thinking.... why don't we cut our partner some slack? Why do we feel the need to cut our spouses down for the littlest things? Is it that we are so wound up from the constant barrage of "to-do's"? Is it that we really are upset with them and are looking for an opportunity to vent? Either way, as busy moms, we need to slow down, take a breath and treat our husbands as the equal partners they are. So, I came up with a few ideas on how to do this.
1. Say thank you often. We all want to feel appreciated, and saying thank you goes a long way!
2. Write your man a love letter every once in a while. Just a few words could make him feel so good! Put a little note in his gym bag or a little Post-It on the bathroom mirror.
3. Let go of the need to control everything. We live in a super masculine world and as women, have had to learn to adapt to this masculine energy to thrive. Try letting go and let your man feel like he has autonomy of the things he does around the house and with the kids. (This is big topic that comes up a lot in my sessions with women and I will dive deeper into this in a later blog.)
4. Tap into your intuition and know when to back off. Check out the mood of your partner, if he's having a rough day, go easy on him.
5. Be honest about your expectations. Tell your partner what you expect. If you ask your man to feed the kids, try not to get upset if he feeds them chicken nuggets or hot dogs. If you want something specific, just throw it out there, but let him take care of it.
6. Trust your partner. You have to have a little trust and faith that things will eventually get done and no one will get hurt in the process.
Andi Wickman is a vibrancy coach for mothers who want more "wow" in their lives. She helps burnt out mamas get a handle on what lights them up so they can be more present, caring parents and humans. (And so they can really enjoy the heck out of life for a change!) You can find her blogging about getting your groove back over at www.andiwickman.com.