08/27/2010 10:21 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Why Justin Bieber's Memoir Isn't the End of the World

When HarperCollins announced that it would be publishing singing sensation Justin Bieber's memoir in October, half of the online world squealed with joy. The other half threw their hands up in exasperation.

For the non-beliebers out there, the news that a 16-year-old boy is writing a memoir was yet another sign that the publishing industry is dying a slow, sad death. I've assembled some comforting thoughts, however, that may help us all survive these tough times.

Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever is not a memoir. Despite the subtitle "My Story," Bieber insists that the book is simply an illustrated tour diary. "We can all agree I'm a little too young to write a memoir... I just got a lot more life to live," he tweeted.

Justin Bieber's name is a license for HarperCollins to print money. Bieber has such a rabid fan base that HarperCollins could put out a 1040 tax form with his face on it and his beliebers would show up at bookstores in droves to buy it. Here's one fan's response, as posted on Tiger Beat magazine's website:

I'm totally gonna buy the book!!! I love Justin Bieber and I would like to buy anything that has his face and everything else on it. Justin Bieber is my life and I would be nothing without him.

Justin Bieber's life story is so powerful, it will require 3D technology to tell it properly. By next Valentine's Day, First Step 2 Forever will be a distant memory. Bieber's life story is currently being adapted into a full-length feature film by Paramount, set to star Bieber as (who else) himself. He tweeted:

We r coming with a major 3D Movie telling the story with an Oscar winning director... This is so sick!! Gonna come out in theatre's Worldwide Valentine's 2011!!!

Still feeling a little queasy? Perhaps a good laugh can help. Last week, the anonymous publishing industry insider Evil Wylie posted a link on Twitter to an "advance copy of Justin Bieber's memoir."

The e-book--a parody entitled Justin Bieber First Tweets 2 Forever: My Memoir --i s comprised entirely of tweets "written" by Bieber, and traces the young pop star from his mother's womb to the top of the charts in 28 pages. Read it below for free.

Justin Bieber Memoir (A PARODY)