05/10/2010 08:41 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Citing Kagan's Lack of Judging Experience, GOP Proposes Paula Abdul

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Howling in protest over Obama Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan's lack of judging experience, leading Republicans today urged the President to withdraw Kagan and instead nominate Paula Abdul.

"The American people have had years of watching Paula's judging expertise, and they know that she is fair," said Sen. Jeff Sessions (R., Ala.), top Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee. "She's certainly fairer than Simon."

As to the criticism that sometimes on "American Idol" Ms. Abdul seemed to be not all there and had nothing to say, Sen. Sessions said, "You could say the same thing about Clarence Thomas." More here.