02/02/2010 12:37 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Huge Deficits May Hamper America's Ability to Wage Pointless Wars, Pentagon Fears

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Mounting budget deficits for the foreseeable future may "greatly hamper" the U.S.'s ability to wage pointless wars, a leading Pentagon general says.

According to Gen. Blanton Creegan, "The days of our invading a country for no reason whatsoever may be at an end."

Gen. Creegan adds, "In the past, we were able to start a war with a country simply because we said they might have WMD - now, we may actually have to check first."

The General says that the Pentagon was especially worried that, given the new budget constraints, the United States may no longer be able to engage in "open-ended quagmires with no end in sight."

"We still have the money to put boots on the ground," he says. "But we can't afford to put anyone in those boots."

"Going forward, we are going to need to have a reason for going to war, a clearly defined mission, and a realistic exit strategy," Gen. Creegan adds. "This could put us out of business."

Reflecting on the waning of America's ability to engage in pointless conflict, the General waxes philosophical: "It was fun while it lasted." More here.