06/22/2009 05:43 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Jon Gosselin Seeks Condo Board Friendly to Douchebags

Reality star Jon Gosselin, who has been looking for a New York apartment in recent days, has given the following marching orders to his realtor: find a condo board that is friendly to douchebags.

But "easier said then done" says real estate expert Evelyn Leforte, who has specialized in finding condos for dickwads and buttholes in Manhattan for over thirty years.

"There are certainly some neighborhoods, like Tribeca, where an asswipe like Jon Gosselin would feel right at home," says Ms. Leforte. "But a lot of those buildings have waiting lists a mile long -- that's just how many cocksuckers there are out there."

Mr. Gosselin may have hoped that with cutbacks on Wall Street, many mofos would be putting their apartments on the market, but "that has not been the case," she says.

"A lot of these people figure if they hang in there long enough, sooner or later the government will give them a bailout," she said. "Douchebags."

Andy Borowitz performs live at 92Y Tribeca July 2 at 9 PM - tickets here.