05/28/2010 02:26 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

US Unable to Stop Flow of Sex and the City Sequels

HOLLYWOOD (The Borowitz Report) - President Obama declared a state of emergency today as officials struggled to stop the toxic flow of Sex and the City sequels.

After getting a first-hand look at the situation on the ground at a multiplex in San Pedro, California, officials offered a grim assessment.

"It was important that we see it with our own eyes," said the EPA's Jay Keegand after seeing an afternoon screening of Sex and the City 2. "Quite frankly, it's even worse than we imagined."

At the White House, officials searched for a strategy to stop the deadly flow at its source: Warner Brothers studios.

One strategy reportedly being discussed would involve spraying the studio with a special defoliant that would destroy the scripts of all future Sex and the City movies.

But according to one White House aide who spoke on condition of anonymity, President Obama is under pressure to show that he is not standing idly by: "Unless he takes action, he could have another Transformers 2 on his hands." More here.

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