Retired Steve Jobs Unveils to Wife Innovative New Way to Sweep the Floors of Their House

Retired from his position as Apple CEO for nearly a week, Steve Jobs unveiled to his wife what he called "an exciting, new and innovative way to clean the floors of their house." Jobs rented out the stage of a nearby convention center and took the stage to a crowd of just his wife.

He then vaulted into his presentation. "The iWife isn't a product, honey," said Jobs. "The iWife is a state of mind."

Included in the two hour display were the usual Steve Jobs jokes and visual quips. He was still very much in classic form.

Finally, nearing the presentation's climax, Jobs went backstage and grabbed the couple's current broom, a standalone straw broom. He held it up as an item to be rightly shunned.

"If you use primitive tools, you get primitive results," said Jobs. Jobs then smiled. "But no longer..."

From the ceiling was lowered a shiny new broom partnered with an attached dustpan. The empty convention center erupted into thunderous, pre-recorded applause, at which point an irritated Mrs. Jobs finally walked out.