10/30/2012 01:18 pm ET Updated Dec 30, 2012

Justin Timberlake's Serenade: It's Not for Everyone

I'm a lot like Jessica Biel. OK, maybe not really, but I do have a list of some pretty persuasive reasons if you'll indulge me. First, we're both brunettes. Any objections? I didn't think so. We both went with color. She wore pink for the big day, and I wore red. My groom entered our reception to "SexyBack," hers wrote the song. And finally, her new husband is musically-inclined and so is mine.

Where do we differ? There are the obvious fame and fitness disparities that I'm sure you're listing in your head right now. However, when it comes to saying "I Do" there is an additional, more striking contrast.

My better half, the lead singer and songwriter of indie band Bad Lucy, didn't serenade me with his dreamy falsetto. On the other hand, Mrs. Timberlake's new groom recently revealed he sang as his bride walked down the aisle.

In theory, it is the fairytale moment every bride might hope for. Even I, admittedly, wished and asked for a secret song in my honor at our reception. But the theoretical and the reality of your big event are two different things. And, in hindsight, I am thrilled and truly grateful my groom didn't take to the microphone.

Convincing your fiancé to serenade you, whether he is a trained singer or not, might not be the best idea, and here's why:

Emotional overload: Unless your groom has been performing day in and day out since he was on the Disney channel, the emotions of the "I Dos" might be too much. My groom didn't want to take on the added pressure of having to perform at his own wedding. "I want to feel and embrace the emotion of each moment and let nothing get in the way of that," he told me.

When I saw him, with tears welling up over his baby blues at the end of the aisle, I felt peace and joy knowing he had the freedom to feel without being distracted by the anticipation of performing.

You and your groom should be carefree, focused on taking it all in. Despite all the pomp and circumstance we put into weddings, they are not meant to be performances. The most beautiful unions are those when both the bride and groom are at a raw and emotionally vulnerable place.

It's expected: If your fiancé is a singer, people might expect a song. If he's a comedian, guests will assume he'll rattle off some jokes at the reception. Expected details, performances included, leave less of a 'wow' impression than true surprise moments. What if Justin read a poem dedicated to Jessica instead or what if she sang at the reception?

Remember, garnering more buzz about your big day often requires you to stray away from the norm.

No solos, this is a duet: There is no "I" in team, and the marriage you are about to embark on is about teamwork in every sense of the word. If a memorable performance is really important to you, I vote for bride and groom dances, songs or comedy duets. Doing something together is not only fun on the day of; it also brings you together during stressful planning moments.

OK but really, it's about the bride: There is a little Bridezilla in each one of us, and this is a somewhat acceptable form of the condition. This is your day, and the last thing you want is a distraction when you are walking down the aisle or making your grand entrance. Cameras, both still and video, should be pointed in your direction, all eyes on you. Right? OK, maybe that is a bit vain, but you get the point.

Lucky for me, I couldn't heavy hand my crooner groom into a wedding day performance. Instead, I have a lifetime of giggles courtesy of the video of our silly dance routine. Our number won't win any awards, but we did it together. And, with a little patience, I finally got my song. One year after we tied the knot, my best friend wrote the song "Weather" about our union. "You and I, we go together no matter how high comes up the weather."