We've all seen the movies. At times, it even feels as if we star in them.
Two people, through destiny, find each other. Through their experiences they fall so deeply in love; a love that is completely overwhelming. Throughout it's run time, we're taken through their life and euphoric joys. At some point, however, something breaks them apart. From here they're forced to live life separately, reminiscing on what once was.
This is Hollywood though, and we all know what the ending is going to look like. Miraculously, they find each other again and we become witness to their happily ever after.
Sounds perfect, right?
It's painted this masterpiece in our minds that has portrayed love as something that is unbreakable, and never ending. That somehow when we separate, we shouldn't focus our energies on moving forward, but instead behind us. Behind us in hopes that our overwhelming love for someone else comes back, and our happily ever after is just how we wished it to be.
One would say there's nothing wrong with this. It makes for great entertainment.
And so everyday, we strive for this. Whether it be during a down point in our relationships, or after it all comes to an end, we lay in bed reminiscing about the past, we revisit old memories in our minds, we scroll through photos, we even re-read old texts. In essence, we envision our relationships as this Hollywood blockbuster where in the end, we find each other again.
Somehow that one person who had captured our heart is the only one good enough to ever do so. Why should anyone else be worthy of our time, our attention, and most importantly our love. So we shut others out ... completely. We never give them an opportunity because quite frankly, they have no shot anyway. Why waste their time?
Instead our efforts, our energies, our focus ... all of it goes into making something that's broken, "right." But what is "right"?
Is right that feeling of hopelessness? Is right speaking once or twice a week, hanging on to a thread of hope? Is it the infamous progression? Or is right settling for mediocre love?
We're not mechanics; our job in love isn't to fix things. Our job is to grow and prosper together. Life is filled with enough obstacles, love shouldn't be one of them.
What we should be focusing on is bettering ourselves for each other, going places we've never been, doing things we've never done.
When our relationships falter, we quickly forget that there is a life out there for us to live. Why are we spending our days fixing and hoping and not living and doing?
I guess I've started to wonder why. I see it everywhere. So many people hanging by a thread within their relationships ... but they choose to stay. So many people broken hearted from the pain and suffering one put them through, yet they leave the door open for more pain and more suffering. Is it in hopes of experiencing that fairytale?
Maybe pain and suffering is necessary in life, though. Maybe it gives us the inner strength we need to push forward. It's when we hurt that we yearn for those moments of happiness, and at times it's easier to revert back to what we know, than start a new with something we don't.
Think about driving in your car. At some point you've experienced your front window fogging up on you. It's pretty scary right? What's the first thing you do? Slow down.
We pump the breaks out of fear because we can't see what's in front of us. Immediately we revert to our rearview mirror because for whatever reason, it never fogs up and always gives us a clear view.
Only when we've done that will we press the defrost button. And then slowly but surely, our vision expands and becomes clearer and clearer until we can see again.
Same goes for our life after love. We're so uncertain of the future that we bring everything to a grinding halt. The only thing that ever seems clear is what's in our past. We like clear, though. It's something tangible to us, with no ambiguity behind it. It slowly becomes our safe zone.
That all changes when our vision becomes clear. It's at this point we can look forward because forward is where our life lives and the exact place where we belong.
So what if these fairytales had nothing to do with whether or not the people we love come back into our lives, but more so how in the process we find the truest form of love; the love for ourselves? That through pain and suffering we learn about life, love and what we want from it. That the love we once shared with another human being wasn't in vain, but more so to open the doors to a greater love with more promise.
I've always felt that the joy is in the journey. The memories that we create in between are the true gifts of life.
Maybe if we stopped painting this picture in our heads of what life is supposed to be, we'd enjoy it for what it was. We'd live happier, laugh longer, and love harder.
Why?
Because life isn't a Hollywood blockbuster.
It doesn't allow us to stop in between takes to ensure each scene is perfect. We don't record it on a set, it doesn't have a specific run time, it's not splattered on the silver screen and there are certainly no credits at the end.
No. Life is much more beautiful than that. It's imperfect; just like us.
I don't know if I believe in fairytales as I've seen them in movie theaters. But then again, who knows how my story will end.
I'm still writing it.