Patience is not an entity in and of itself, but is a process, the act of learning to embrace a state of mind. It's something that must be practiced, embodied, and given room to grow.
I must have patience for today, for the days ahead, and a steadfast appreciation for days past and how they have molded me. I would be foolish to tell all of you that I haven't had moments this week when I've lost sight of myself and felt a complete wreck: distraught with emotion for the future and the life I called my own a mere few weeks ago. The devastation that cystic fibrosis has caused in just a short time is unfathomable. I feel as if I have whiplash. cystic fibrosis is not only getting a grasp on my lungs, but my mind as well. I am so used to making plans for tomorrow, cramming as much life into every minute of every day, and living in overdrive. I am having to retrain my mind as much as my body. Most of all though, I am having to embrace patience.
Small Victories
I must embody patience for what today brings, and patience in knowing tomorrow is a new day filled with new possibility. It may look different than I so desperately want it to, but every ounce of progress and growth is something worth celebrating. Each day holds its own victory, no matter the size. The smallest of good and progress overcomes any adversity. The smallest of victories may be paired with the greatest patience, but in the face of this battle against cystic fibrosis any progress is a tremendous victory filled with possibility.
Today was filled with beautiful victories. For the first time in weeks I can catch a glimpse of myself when I look in the mirror. For the first time I feel somewhat like "me." For the first time in weeks I do not completely fear this body which encapsulates my soul and mind. I do not dread or fear looking in the mirror and seeing what stares back at me. For the first time in over a week, I recognize myself. Part of it might be my body and mind adjusting somewhat to the current mood of my lungs and life, but for sure what I see is the reflection of love, support, and unfathomable kindness I've been shown by the medical team here and the all wonderful support I've been given outside these walls.
Hope
Yesterday, my lungs showed us all some signs of improvement. My lungs and body have a long way to go, but it's progress. After days and days of decline and not recognizing the person from within myself, having patience for today and hope in tomorrow's possibility have brought progress and small victories. This is going to be a long road, and there will be tough decisions and days ahead, but I am learning to dwell in patience and remain grateful for the beautiful journey that is my life. Most of all, grateful for each wonderful person and experience whose path I have the privilege to cross. As long as there is hope in tomorrow and I have patience in today, cystic fibrosis will never be victorious.
I am so thankful for every person that is on this journey with me. I owe my life to so many wonderful people. I am so incredibly humbled by the generosity, love and endless kindness I have been shown. I am learning that the pursuit of patience holds a beauty all its own. Love to you all.
Be patient, you never know what beautiful possibility it will give to tomorrow.