01/13/2015 03:15 pm ET Updated Mar 15, 2015

The Delusional Comfort of Dating Apps


Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Yep. Nope. Nope. Ew, no. Nope. Nope. Yes, finally. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I'm a powerful and anonymous judge declaring who is worthy of dating me. Why wouldn't you want to date me? I'm perfect. Did you see my profile pictures? I'm with friends- I'm popular. I traveled to Europe over the summer- I'm complicated. I drink and go crazy- I'm social. I have a picture in a bikini or with my shirt off- I care about my appearance and enjoy being active. I also put in some really cool and mysterious quotes in my profile; you don't know what they mean? Ask me, please! Wait, you still don't get it? Well then, you just don't understand. I'm right and you're wrong. End of story.


Dating apps have turned all of us into daddy's little girl, demanding what we temporarily want- and if we can't have it, moving on to the next shiny prize. There's always something else- why wait and spend time on uncertainty? Did you misspell a message? Next. Is she wearing white after Labor Day? Next. Why is his left hand larger than his right? Next. We've begun to move so quickly from one thing to another, we sometimes don't even realize why it is that we're in such a rush. Although it's convenient to view potential lovers and flings in a no-strings attached atmosphere, it's brought an unrealistic perception on relationships to my generation. Nothing is ever good enough. Good enough for what? We don't even know, but we know there's something better out there- there has to be. Instagram says so, with all of the pictures of jets, jewelry and beautiful people. No, this is not my reality and I will not stop until I find something better.

We live in a finger pointing society. Someone is always going to be offended, upset or disagree with something you say. This underlying social flaw of many of us has now been placed into dating apps; the thinking of 'it's not me, it's you' is pervasive throughout these interactions. We can't handle rejection anymore. Actually, it's gone beyond that- we don't even subject ourselves to rejection anymore. We don't even say we like someone unless they say it too at the exact same moment- and when they do, it's still a digital conversation with limited social identity attached to it. Reducing the risk and the social pressures of extending oneself has led to the increase of people using dating apps- but a flawed thinking in the way we deal with introductions and rejection.

I use dating apps. I'm definitely not above it. I don't necessarily enjoy it, but I go on them multiple times throughout the day. Most of the time when I open up one of the apps, I don't even know what I'm looking for. Maybe sometimes it's a girl in her late 20s with brown hair -- maybe sometimes it's a simple confident boost that a couple of swipes of Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope can't solve. Swiping left or pressing an X on someone's profile is empowering; saying you're not good enough for me but hidden behind a veil of technology to prevent any social backlash. We're abusing the convenience of technology to judge each other, to empower ourselves and to temporarily boost our self confidence.

Will the increased usage of dating apps substitute our feelings of satisfaction and being content with a never ending quest of something else? Will the knowledge- and access- of knowing something else is out there leave us to always be yearning for just that- something else? We don't even know what it is, but the unknown is sometimes most appealing. Will we begin to miss out on the present because we're always thinking about that next swipe, that next person, the next day, the next week?

We're tip toeing the line between the conveniences of technology with the disillusions of technology. We're in a rush to be in a rush. We're always missing out on something. Technology has brought everything to our finger tips, and we only have 10 of them.