After my May 28 post "12 Cold Facts About Being Super-Hot," some of my good-looking, male, professional friends said, "It is difficult being a hot professional guy too." These were their chief complaints.
1. Women are too easy. Noah, a young cardiac surgeon who looks like he walked into the O.R. off the cover of GQ, said, "Men like to hunt. Chasing a chick is a chess match, and it is a big turn-on. There is no fun in easy women." This is understandable in terms of the brain, because dopamine encodes on the anticipation of reward, not the actual reward.1, 2
2. They're blamed for everything. "I am a handsome, straight, white guy with a good job," explained Tim, a former college quarterback turned Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. "Everybody hates me, and everything is my fault. So if it rains tomorrow, I am sorry. Seriously, dude." Then he joked, "Take us, for example. I am a nice guy, and you are an obnoxious, arrogant, black queen, yet people love you and hate me."
3. Other men are threatened and overly aggressive. "Guys are competitive," said Tim. "The reality is I am bad news for most guys. I make more money. I am taller and better-looking. I drive a more expensive car. I dress better, have a bigger house, and a bigger...."
4. People think they are gay. "People always think really good-looking guys are gay, 'cause usually they are," said a network TV star who asked to remain anonymous. "The other problem is gay guys refuse to believe I am straight, and that can be tedious sometimes."
5. Women become more hostile when rejected. "No woman likes getting flushed," said Noah. "However, when a good-looking doctor does it, they go ape. It is crazy. They read way too much into it."
6. Being the dream guy is a nightmare. "Women take one look at me, find out what I do, and think they are in love with me," said Noah. "Actually, they are in love with the idea of that dream guy they've had in their heads all of their lives. They don't know anything about me other than how I look and what I do for a living."
7. Women presume they are players. "I am not a player," said Parker, a powerful agent who packages TV shows and films. "I know the rep this business has, but that is not me. I am a good Catholic boy from South Boston, and I want to marry a good Catholic girl. I am a young dude, so, yeah, if I forget to turn my swag off, I wake up knee-deep in honeys. That's a given with my job and my looks. But just because that's what I can easily have does not mean that is what I want."
8. Women resent their looks. "I am prettier than most of the women I date," said the actor. "They resent that. They always feel like they have to look their very best when they're with me, and they resent it after a while."
9. People think they should only date supermodel types. "When I want a hookup with a super-hottie, I go to the gym and wait five minutes," said Noah. "But what I want in a hookup and what I want in a girl I seriously date are very different. Of course, I want her to be attractive, but when you connect with someone, she becomes beautiful, because you see things no one else does. Like my current girlfriend. She is not technically beautiful, and she says she needs to lose a few pounds, and I guess she is right. I just do not see her like that. She is brilliant, kind, strong, interesting and passionate woman. I can feel her energy when she walks into a room, even if my back is turned. That is so incredibly hot to me. But when people see us together, they do not get it. Not only that, it bothers them. I have overheard people say, 'Why in the world is he with her?'" He added, with a smile scampering across his face, "The question is: Why is she with me? It really pisses me off when these model types see me with her and think that the power of cute is stronger than the power of love. It is incredibly arrogant and insulting."
10. People are less accepting of interracial dating. "I prefer darker girls over blonde chicks," said Parker. "I am blonde, and opposites attract. But people wig out when they see a white dude like me with a black girl or a Latina. They do not have the same reaction when they see some pudgy, balding white guy with a black girl. It's similar to the Germans' reaction when Boris Becker was with that smoking-hot black girl."
Most men think they would welcome these problems. However, the emotions these problems engender are generically human. It does not matter why you feel something; what matters is that you feel it. Men are typically more open to recreational sex than women generally are. However, recreational sex is not a substitute for love. Likewise, it does not matter if you can get a zillion people in your bed if you cannot find that one who gets in your heart and your head. There are only so many buttons on the dial of human emotion. Yes, my handsome, successful, young Jacks of Heart, your problems are very real, just different. However, take it from someone who rises in the shadows of life compared with you: It does not matter what people think about you. What matters is what you think about yourself. Remain fabulous and phenomenal.
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1. Wise RA, Rompre PP. Brain dopamine and reward. Annual Review of Psychology. 1989 1989;40:191-225.
2. Wise RA. Brain reward circuitry: insights from unsensed incentives. Neuron. 2002 Oct 10;36(2):229-40.