10/17/2012 05:26 pm ET Updated Dec 17, 2012

My 15 Thoughts on the 2nd Presidential Debate

1) Americans looked really good. Robust, overwhelmingly Caucasian, pearish, male, resigned, sated. We're now in post-America America, and our citizens are looking the part!

2) Candy Crowley moderated the debate. Asking the questions. Kickstarting dialogue. Setting the tone. And how serendipitous and American is it that someone with her first name was moderating a debate in October? Sweet.

3) I had no idea it was going to take place on Long Island, which is the 17th most populous island in the world and also the home of the Lohans.

4) I, for one, was surprised that both candidates wore ties. I really didn't think that was going to happen.

5) I admit that I was only halfway listening, but I think its bullshit that the economy was never mentioned once.

6) The scatting was unexpected. But welcome.

7) Is it just me, or did this remind you of the subplot from Major League when Roger Dorn's (Corbin Bernsen) wife was sleeping with Rick Vaughn (Charlie Sheen)? That is all I could think about until I fell asleep.

8) No talk of Felix. He just jumped from fucking space, you guys.

9) The Romney campaign has 9,678,768 Facebook likes, the Obama campaign has 30,965,837 Facebook likes, yet I only have 63?

10) Surprised that the replacement refs weren't even mentioned once. Never forget.

11) I don't know, but I think that both of the candidates could look really cool with glasses. People are often skeptical about adopting the "glasses look," but both guys could look pretty awesome.

12) As someone who is both anti-job and anti-work, I didn't appreciate how 'pro-job' they both were.

14) I don't do 13s, chief. Not in buildings and not in lists.

15) I know it's arcane and just a silly superstition, but you never know, you know?