THE BLOG
02/11/2016 10:48 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Value of Valentine's Day?

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Valentine's Day is met each year with all manner of commentary. Perhaps it's good for the economy. Florists do quite well. Jewelers are busy. Dim lit restaurants with ambiance make out (pardon the pun) like bandits. In past years and past blogs, I have observed that there is no way out of Valentine's Day if you are in a relationship. I have also observed in past musings that the holiday is telling for those who have recently entered into a relationship. This year, my observations are more relationship-centered.

For many of my clients in perhaps the strongest relationships, I have observed the following: 'We really have not figured it out yet.' So naturally it would seem somewhat of a contradiction that the strongest relationships do not have the man with the plan of action. The big night, without a detail missing, right down to the nostalgic restaurant. Why is that?

In so many other thoughts, I have found that the man without the plan is less desirable because it might mean he has other, more important things to be doing. Now, I am staring at the strongest relationships I know and there is no plan, no restaurant, no big gift. 'We'll play it by year.'

This seems to defy relationship logic. Inevitably one thought comes to mind, and that is, these relationships with no plan on Valentine's Day are built of strong stuff the other 364 days of the year. I am not suggesting it's Valentine's Day every day. That's pollyanish and overly simplistic. What it means, however, is that there is no atonement for what he did not do the rest of the year by going overboard on a single day.

A lavish gift, a nice vacation, or a dozen roses does not mean there is a doomed relationship. Not at all. The man is not necessarily using Valentine's Day to justify the weaknesses in the relationship, but he might be.

Is it always necessary to come-up big on Valentine's Day? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you do not have to go completely overboard if everything else is working-out, by and large, for the rest of the time aside from that one special day where the florists will take pre-orders, jewelers might move the price of gold, and dim lit restaurants with ambiance have been booked for weeks.

Just a thought that Valentine's Day is not the barometer for the relationship. Perhaps the value placed on the holiday speaks to the relationship itself.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.