10/23/2008 07:44 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

John McCain Through The Looking Glass

With apologies to Lewis Carroll

The aging senator paced the parlor of his mansion. He had seven such mansions and couldn't be sure just which one this parlor was in. "Bother," he thought, "I have much more important things to contemplate." This was true, as he wished to be president of his country, and knowing that he stood against almost everything the people of his land needed, he wondered how he might yet win. The large looking glass over the fireplace at the far end of the room caught his eye.

He scurried across the room, climbed upon the chair his servant had brought and peered closely into the looking glass. "Joe," he proclaimed to his cat, who was curled up by the fireplace, not the least bit interested. "Joe! Look! An entire world where everything is backwards." Incredibly, the glass began to melt away and the senator slipped through. He now found himself in this magical world where right is wrong, up is down, old is new and plain old lying is thought of as truth. Of course, this was just in his head. As I said, he was old; really old.

To the Looking Glass world the old senator said,
"We are the agents of change of whom you have read.
Forget that I promise just more of the same,
If it's change that you seek vote for Palin-McCain."

Welfare for the wealthy is on the top of my list.
Bailouts for bad businesses are hard to resist.
And let's buy up mortgages so homeowners aren't pissed.
Don't vote for the other guy, he's a damned socialist!

I have found us a Queen, wait here while I fetch her.
She lives just like you. No Elitist! You betcha!
A more regular gal exists not in this land.
Look how reg'lar she dresses, for one-fifty grand.

Twenty-One thousand for travel for her kids and first dude.
Seventeen thousand per diem when at home, that's true.
The state pays it all but don't worry, there's nary a buzz.
Be concerned she still doesn't know what the Vice-President does.

Did I talk about the war: Iraq and the 'Nam?
I love a good (or bad) war. It defines who I am.
I'm wrong on the issues, so I'll talk jabberwocky.
You know the Red Queen is a big fan of hockey.

Obama's a terrorist, a Muslim, Oh brother!
Give me a day and I'll come up with another.
If you're surprised at the tone of the lies I've unfurled,
You must learn that's how 'tis in my looking glass world.

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