04/07/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Birther Babble

In a recent TIme Magazine article on the top ten conspiracy theories, the Birther Movement, which maintains that President Obama is not a natural born citizen of the United States of America, did not make the list, even an honorable mention. Whether or not Jesus kissed Mary Magdalene was still going strong. Since conservative Republicans seem to be at the helm of the BM (appropriately sharing the same initials as another popular movement) it brings up an interesting question: Why do these people have no problem confirming an immaculate birth that happened 2000 years ago in a manger in Bethlehem, but have trouble accepting the much more recent birthplace of our highest elected official?

Did Jesus have to supply a birth certificate? Let's face it; even the Three Wise Men didn't give their names in reference to the Virgin Mary story. "She had the child without sex, but we going to remain anonymous". The fact that they didn't give their names may be what got them the "wise" moniker to begin with. And how come no one ever talks about the Virgin Joseph? Rumor has it that not only wasn't the birth immaculate but her house was a mess.

I think the term conspiracy theory is not strong enough to address the Birther Movement. It should be associated with a term that means, "unrefined pompous propaganda," or in short a "Palinism" Sometimes the most outlandish claims can turn out to have some merit. For instance it would be hard for me to believe that the Green Party was drafting Rush Limbaugh as the head of their movement but then it dawned on me that every other word out of his mouth could be used as compost, not to mention his proficiency at digging up dirt. Maybe the best way to unite the political parties is to have Rush do his show right next to Michelle Obama's vegetable garden, you know, the place the Birther's are about to implicate as the armory where all those tomatoes thrown at Sarah Palin were created.