03/06/2014 04:49 pm ET Updated May 06, 2014

The Airplane Smells Like Farts... And 4 Other Travel Annoyances

With the crazy expensive cost of flying these days one would think that you would have a pleasant, even 5 star experience traveling the friendly skies. But, if you're like most people, you're shelling out a big chunk of change to fly coach and there is little, if anything, friendly about it. Here are the 5 most annoying things about air travel. Please, airline Gods, take pity on us.

The Plane Stinks Of Farts
You put that many people together in teeny tiny quarters it's bound to start smelling like farts. Yes, the combination of funky cabin pressure, inflight food and people sleeping is the recipe for a stanktastic flight. Add the close proximity of bathrooms and the occasional diaper change and your olfactory sense are doomed. How haven't the brilliant minds who figured out how to put wings on a bus and MAKE IT FLY IN THE AIR LIKE MAGIC haven't developed a better ventilation system?

Microscopic Seat Space
Did planes have more room when I was younger or was I just smaller? The cabin seems designed for only a large troupe of 10-year-olds to travel comfortably. At 5'5 I am cramped and claustrophobic -- I can't imagine what it must be like for tall people (or a poor pregnant lady). Not only are you jammed into a contortionist crouch but, you are so close to the person next to you that you could spoon.

Duty Free Farce
Could there be a more enticing siren call than tax free booze? No, there could not. The industry already nabs you with fees all over the place like paying to check luggage or get a paltry amount of extra legroom. Duty free is the one place in the airport where you feel like you finally get rewarded. Except, unless you're traveling international don't get to enjoy the spoils. I don't want duty free perfume before I travel across the country; I want duty free vodka, you assholes.

Complimentary Is A Four Letter Word
No one offers anything anymore! The word complimentary for airlines is like Lord Voldemort -- they do not speak it's name. Some flights don't even bother throwing a complimentary beverage at you to pass the time. Where are the good old days when you got drinks AND a meal for free? Now we're lucky that we don't have to pay for the seat belt. Snacks, luggage, drinks, headphones -- you name it, you purchase it.

Everyone's A Priority Boarding
First class and special needs boarding goes first, which makes perfect sense. But, where did the rest of the seemingly endless list come from? After the first class and special needs boarding there is a random assortment of other "priorities": priority plus, gold members, diamond members, passengers from Maine, passengers whose last names end in I, anyone wearing pink... Meanwhile all but a handful of losers are left to board in 'zones' and inevitably miss out on any overhead storage space for the bag they refused to pay to check.