10/18/2011 04:06 pm ET Updated Dec 18, 2011

I Look Better Than Multi-Millionaire Celebrities

"What are you going to do with that tomato?" my husband says to me the other day, suspicion written all over his face.

"It's going in the blender, do you mind?" I say.

"But it's a delicious, super sweet tomato that came from the farmer's market!" he says with a pleading look on his face.

"Should I go to the supermarket and get my own tomato?" I ask, forgetting to mask my sarcasm.

"No! Go ahead and use it if you want to. It's okay."

"Oh, thanks so much, Mr. Tomato Nazi," I say.

He laughs. I laugh. A few days later it starts all over again.

"Where are you going with those eggs?"

Most of the time, my husband thinks what I'm doing is really cool. It's just that he has to occasionally re-adjust to the idea that the tomato is going on my face instead of in my mouth. (That's good food!) The thing is that I've become a convert to using items out of my refrigerator and kitchen cabinets to make my facial cleanser, moisturizer, skin-tightening mask, blusher and whatever else I can think of as I lie awake at night, eyes wide open like an owl's, trying to figure out what else I can do on my own instead of spending insane amounts of money on skincare products. Did I mention that I'm now cooking up my own pet food too? Ah, the satisfaction.

It's not that I'm cheap, although my husband sometimes accuses me of this, even as he thanks the stars that I'm not the type to drop big cash on items of clothing. (I'd rather spend it on travel or art, when I can, or on organizing fundraisers where I always seem to spend more than I collect.) It's just that I'm having so much fun making moisturizer, not to mention how effective nature is! Ever heard of a "peaches and cream" complexion? Here's all you need:

1 ripe peach, heavy cream

Peel the peach, remove the pit. Using a fork, mash the peach to a pulp then, using a spoon, push it through a strainer to expel the juice. However much juice you end up with, add equal parts heavy cream and beat with a fork for a couple of minutes. Voila! Your new, fabulous moisturizer is ready. Your face will glow. People will tell you how great you look without knowing why. Keep it in the refrigerator. It will stay fresh for a week to 10 days. Now, all you have to do is resist eating the thing. Yum, yum, yum.

Extra tip: If you have a juicer, get yourself a beet, juice it and add approximately ½ to ¾ teaspoon of the juice to your moisturizer. It will turn bright pink. When you put it on your face, you will look like you sat in the sun and got a golden tan. If you don't have a juicer, you can order 100% organic beetroot powder from a company called It's inexpensive and all you have to do is add water to get your beet juice -- which can also be used as a lip stain! Okay, Miss Rosy Glow (and you too, Mister), now go get yourself a tomato...

Alert: before you go thinking I'm soooo clever, I have to disclose the awful truth: I found the peaches and cream recipe online. All you have to do is Google "homemade natural moisturizer" or any variation on that theme, and all kinds of sites come up, like this one, where I found many of the recipes I use. Adding the beet juice to the moisturizer for that just-blushed look was my idea, but that's just because I was having too much fun experimenting. So, sue me for having egg whites on my face. Using them to close the door on pores is the best revenge.

Let me tell you something: there is no miracle anti-aging product that will make you young again. But I can say right here and now with no conceit: I'm in my mid-fifties and I swear I look better than a lot of celebrities my age with their super smooth foreheads and no smile lines (hello, Stepford Wife, robot, scary lady). And I have wrinkles! I'm healthy, fit and I look like a real woman. I look normal! And although some of my friends hate it that I stopped dying my gray hair, I receive compliments all the time on how I look, and especially on my skin, lately.

Man, am I itching to tell you about what you can do with coconut oil... Next blog! Right now I have to get online to use some of that money I'm saving to buy my Occupy Wall Street and Occupy Los Angeles yard sign. Members say that what they want most is for people to show support for the movement everywhere, including their front lawns. If you want to order yours, click here. Go 99 percenters! You're looking good. Need a natural sunscreen?