11/19/2013 05:42 pm ET Updated Jan 25, 2014

Would You Plan Your Wedding Before Announcing It?

A friend of mine in the entertainment industry is planning her wedding. But here's the thing -- she hasn't announced it yet. So I was quite surprised to receive an email from her asking flower questions when I didn't even know that she got engaged! She has a ton of followers, and lots of people who adore her, so this would've been news I would have surely heard about.

I assumed that she was keeping the wedding news under wraps because she's a very private person. You won't find any Instagram photos of her and her man smooching away, or anything like that. When I chatted with her on the phone, she revealed that the reason she hadn't announced it yet was because he hadn't officially proposed! She had stumbled upon some papers that revealed his intentions to propose, and found out before he meant for her to!

I'm curious:

1) Do you think it is okay to start planning your wedding before he's popped the question?

There are many gals I know who daydream of their big day. They have Pinterest pages filled with food, flowers, venues, dresses -- the whole nine yards. They don't really even need to plan anything after they've gotten engaged since they did it all before! And like me, who has considered what my day would be like (I am in the industry after all and these are things florists talk about all of the time), it is natural to form some idea of the ideal wedding. What if you start booking your vendors before he's actually proposed? I had one bride who booked the venue because it was so popular that they knew they'd get engaged before the date they booked, so better to have that nailed down. If you've talked about the fact that he's going to propose, does it relieve some of the pressure?

2) If you are engaged, what if you start planning before you announce it?

I actually really like this idea because so often the bride is bombarded with the input of family and friends. It's like keeping a baby's name a secret until after they're born, which makes total sense. If you don't like the name Avery, well then too bad, she's already named it! If you don't like all yellow roses, well then too bad, I already paid for it! On the other hand, you might offend loved ones and dear friends who would think that their opinion has some weight, as it should. Have we steered away from the fact that a wedding is about the two people committing themselves to each other for eternity? Has it become more about the display than the words?

I'd love to hear your input on what it means to plan a wedding, and hear about any experiences you've had related to the above!

Carly Cylinder is the owner and Creative Director of the bicoastal floral design studio Flour LA, Inc. She is currently writing her first book on flowers. Like Flour LA on Facebook.