01/15/2009 05:21 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011



Dear Grandma,

I'm sorry you can't visit us in D.C. for inauguration, but mom rented out our home to this dude Craig Z. List. We're not the only house that's full, President Bush said there wasn't room for the Obama's. (Remember when my older brother had no interest in having a kid sister!) Personally, I'm not sure why President Bush couldn't pick up an air-mattress for the Obama kids at Target?

Speaking of which, all mom asks about is whether I've made the cut for Sasha and Malia's "Top 8." It was bad enough when mom got e-mail! Now she wants me to invite the girls to my bat-mitzvah, in hopes they might reciprocate with a Lincoln bedroom slumber party. The only caveat is that I can't invite them to my bat-mitzvah because we're not Jewish.

Dad's mad that he donated two thousand and eight rolls of toilet paper to the Obama campaign and didn't score an e-Vite to any ball. He didn't get one to the environmental ball where they sip wheat grass with zillionaires decked out in hemp gowns, and I can't imagine that's high on anyone's list. Dad said he would fit right in, what with his wearing the same LL Bean jeans since 1952. Mom says that L.L. Bean is a great designer, if you want your spouse to cheat on you. I suggested the Laotian Transgender Alliance Ball, surely it will need seat fillers and dad will offer some diversity to the mix.

Due to the recession and the success of Slum Dog Millionaire, mom and dad are no longer obsessed with my getting into the Harvard of Harvard's, also known as Harvard. They have lowered their expectations to what might actually pay off in the long run. They are hoping I'll head off to Mumbai and get a job translating for their (gainfully employed) telemarketers.

Oh, and, Lester, my brother, aka the Michael Phelps of Obama fans, has been squatting on Pennsylvania Avenue since election night. He claims holding himself a seat is worth the police tickets he gets for loitering. (We signed him up for, Campaigners Anonymous, a support group for political volunteers. It's a safe space for them to re-learn how to communicate, like how to say, "yes" instead of "si si puede".

Also, I'll save you one of the Barack Brand colognes I bought called Eau de Change. It's hope in a bottle, which is worth more than most stocks these days! Please visit. DC is fun again, or, maybe, it is fun for the first time. Either way, we'll be back in Florida in 2012.




Your Granddaughter