09/11/2010 06:30 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

A Report From Barneys Fashion Night Out (PHOTOS)

Last night's Fashion's Night Out was beyond insane. And I saw zero shopping bags. Why do we do this again? It never ceases to amaze me to see all these people who aren't in fashion slap on a frock, some heels and carry around more attitude than can fit into a Birkin bag. Do they think fashion people push, shove, yell and stomp around? I don't get it.

Regardless I did have an amusing time at Bergdorf Goodman watching Douglas Little's amazing windows come to life with Selene Luna, Joey Arias and puppeteer Basil Twist. Then I zizzed over to Barneys. On my way I saw a line of astronauts marching across Fifth Avenue. Hmmm. I've seen y'all before. When I catch the red, white and blue stripes on the back of their helmet's I realize they are the Thom Browne space men from his men's show he had in Paris in June. Thom sure knows a thing about publicity!

I finally arrived at Barneys and rushed down to the beauty area to say hi to Daphne Guinness who was signing her fragrance bottles but she had already bolted. Drats! So I head into the men's store where I see Alexander Olch hanging out with his ties. "Hey Cator, want to make a video of tying a tie?" Sure thing Alex. So I whip mine off, find one of his bowties and do a little number in front of his camera. Tada!

Next we head upstairs to witness the insanity of Robert Geller's ping-pong match. I spotted his gorgeous wife Anna who was thrilled to be out the first time sans bebe. Her mother is graciously babysitting so she can whip her husband's butt at Barneys tonight.

We somehow end up in women's where there is a riotous game of musical chairs happening at Armani and Behnaz Sarafpour is giving out organic apples and selling her new eco-friendly line of accessories.

We finally haul our fashionably whipped asses upstairs to homewares to find Jonathan Adler whipping up vases on his potter wheel and our savior, a woman passing out chocolate. YAY! Just what we needed to make it to The Standard for dinner and a shimmy at Boom Boom Room. I don't know who she was or what she was even passing out, but thank you Chocolate Lady for getting me through the night!