The start of the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York is always a nostalgic time for me, as I look back on all those lovely female tennis players who slept in my bed over the years.
Sadly, I wasn't in my bed at the time. I was out in our garage on an Army cot, swatting mosquitoes.
This all happened in the glorious 1970s, when women's tennis was dominated by the likes of Chris Evert and Billie Jean King, and featured a favorite of mine -- a transsexual named Renee Richards.
Renee sure did liven up the tour, and as far as I'm concerned that's what women's tennis could really use to spice things up these days -- a former male or two.
But I'm getting away from the story of all those lovely female tennis players, sleeping in my bed.
This was the deal: my sister Mary was a rising star, and when she traveled the country to play in tournaments she was "put up" in the homes of the local players.
So when the circuit swung around to New York City, my parents reciprocated by accommodating female players from out of town.
This they accomplished by kicking me out of my bedroom, and sending me to sleep in the garage.
Actually, I liked sleeping in the garage. I considered it my first apartment. Besides,
some of those girls were pretty cute, and my imagination carried me to feverish dreams of that midnight knock on the garage door, a knock that never did happen.
Two reasons for this: victory and defeat.
If the visiting girl won her match, she needed her rest for the next day, so she went to bed early.
If the girl lost her match -- which is what usually happened -- she came back to our house cranky, depressed and far from amorous.
Win or lose, those girls were strung even tighter than the tennis rackets they swung with so little success.
A typical tense dinner table scene from back then, after the visiting player had just absorbed a first-round clobbering:
Me: "How'd you do today?"
Visiting Player: "Lost to Billie Jean, love and one."
Me: "At least you got a game."
My mother (whispering): "Charles! Be nice!"
My father: "Could somebody pass the potatoes?"
(Visiting player suddenly bursts into tears, runs upstairs to my room.)
Me: "I guess she doesn't like passing potatoes."
(My mother glares at me, then runs upstairs to my room -- MY room -- to calm the girl down.)
Look at it this way -- half the players are knocked out of the U.S. Open in the first round. I'd say half of that half stayed at our house. It adds up to a lot of rejection.
But those annual two weeks in the garage taught me a great deal about life. One thing I learned was that when it comes to a good night's sleep, an Army cot is not the way to go.
The other thing I learned was that guests who have it good don't leave in any particular hurry.
Even when they lost in the first round, those girls hung around New York for the full two weeks of the tournament. Why not? My mother fed them, washed their clothes, and consoled them after players like Evert and King destroyed their dreams of glory.
Well, dreams die hard, and so did my dream of finding love in the garage.
To make my romantic pursuits even tougher, some of those girls were bible-thumpers, praying for victory over players with less faith but better forehands.
One of them pegged me for a heathen right off the bat and actually tried to save my soul, which was not only insulting but a nasty speed bump to encounter when I was trying to get her to join me in the breaking of a few Commandments.
So there was no romance, but when she left New York she did leave a gift behind on my pillow -- a soft-cover bible.
I never read it, but it came in handy the following summer, when I was once again banished to the garage for the duration of the U.S. Open.
I used it to kill mosquitoes. Praise the Lord, it worked even better than a fly swatter.
Charlie Carillo is a producer for the TV show "Inside Edition." His novels "God Plays Favorites," "Found Money," "My Ride With Gus" and "Shepherd Avenue" are available on Amazon Kindle for 99 cents.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.