THE BLOG
03/03/2016 03:46 pm ET Updated Mar 01, 2017

Why Are Women So Insecure?

A young man recently asked me why women are so insecure and why they make bad decisions in dating? Needless to say, I had a very long reply for him.

For starters, a woman's first relationship is with her father. If he treats her well, shows her how to be treated, advises her on the games men play, instills confidence and loves her endlessly; he is teaching her how to be treated by a man. If, on the other hand, her father abandons her, neglects her needs, mistreats her, abuses her, doesn't teach her anything about men, etc, well he's also teaching her how to be treated by men. In psychology, we call all behavior "learned behavior". How you experience life, people and what you learn conditions your reaction to people and conditions your behavior. We are also reinforcing behavior whether we know it or not.

That's first. A woman learns how to be in relationships, based off of her relationship with her father. A positive relationship with father, will more than likely influence the decision to have positive relationships with men. A negative relationship with father, and the message you interpreted from that experience will also determine how you choose to allow that to negatively influence your relationship with men.
This doesn't mean that if your relationship with your father was horrible that you won't be able to sustain a healthy relationship. It just means you will have to work harder at it, and you will have to dissect the unconscious messages you received from your experiences, in order to change how you think about romance.

Many women have also learned how to validate themselves through a man's approval of them. Men use many remedies to get the woman they want. Some pray. Some may hunt. Some may be chivalrous. Some may take on your hobbies and interests. Some may use manipulative tactics. Some may also out you down, in order to lower your self-esteem, so that they can have their way with you. The average male has learned how to use a very precious tactic, such as, comparing women against one another. Men are always discussing their ideal women, to other women. Many men have a habit of bragging about other women to the women who look nothing like the women they brag and parade about. I have witnessed and observed men express their preference for a woman's skin color, hair color, hair texture, body shape, race, big butt, thighs, breast etc, in front of women who look nothing like that. Society also puts a lot of pressure on women to have the perfect body, skin, hair and the perfect tan. Many women have not learned how to accept themselves outside of the norm of what is being projected on to them. Instead, women have learned how to be catty and competitive with one another women. Instead of women being a support system and cheerleader for women empowerment; women have learned how to tear one another down, and one up one another. Women have also learned how to compare themselves to other women. While men back each other up and create bonding quotes, such as, "bro's before hoes"; women don't have a bonding system like that. In fact, it is very rare that women uplift one another and back each other up.

I personally feel these are the main causes to a woman's insecurities and her bad decision making. If a woman does not feel good about herself, and doesn't know her self-worth, dating decisions will be hell on wheels.
Learn to embrace the roots. Get to the roots of all the decisions you make, which aren't in your best interest. Learn to cut down those unconscious trees, which lead to making shallow decisions. This will help raise your vibration so that you attract what you deserve.