THE BLOG
10/01/2014 06:00 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Showing Up at the White House Unannounced

2014-10-01-ChanningTatuminWhiteHouseDown2013MovieImage1.jpgImage credit: White House Down, 2013 Columbia Pictures

No, Channing Tatum has never broken into The White House. At least not to my knowledge. Well, okay, he may have, I really don't know. The investigation is still ongoing, but that picture does hint toward something fishy going on. So I'll say that he could have, but probably didn't.

I get nervous whenever I jump one of those green chain-linked fences, especially as an adult. Because as a grown man you should be able to hop a fence, and do other manly things, like, beating Contra without ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA.

But the idea of jumping The White House fence, the fence of all fences, would make me so nervous and full of anxiety that I'd probably end up getting my junk caught on the top of the fence, dangle, then hang upside down after my pants ripped in half. And I don't wear underwear so you can imagine giving the ol' elephant trunk salute to the Oval Office wouldn't be good, image-wise.

Fences in front of The White House have only been a fixture since 1819, as part of a restoration after the War of 1812 (we all remember that one... brutal), but even still, up until World War 2, some of the common grounds on and around the property were easily accessible to the general public (or certainly easier than today). In the seventy or so years since the first documented White House jumper, there have been thirty-three people who thought that hopping The White House fence was a good idea. That's a lot. It sounds like it's a lot harder to get into Ello than the most secure place on Earth. (By the way... Ello's domain translates to "the crazy." Just so you know.)

But it's never a good idea to hop The White House fence. Not even when you're a frat bro walking home from GW party with your other frat bros egging you on from behind.

"Bro, you won't do it. I know you won't."

"Say I won't!"

"You won't!"

(Why can't it ever be a frat bro? There are way too many of them.)

Among the people who somehow found their way into The White House, uninvited, was the socialite failure duo of Michaele and Tareq Salahi -- you know the folks who crashed a White House state dinner back in 2010, a cute little toddler who squeezed through the gate and was promptly and safely returned to his parents, and George W. Bush -- who also found his way into The White House on December 12, 2000.