My boyfriend of two years and I broke up three months ago and I can't get over him. He was the one that ended it, but we are trying to stay friends. But every time we talk, I just want him back. How do I move on? -"Heart-broken," 26, California
Dear Heart-broken,
To put it bluntly, break-ups suck. And you are only three months into yours so don't expect to be over someone who you spent two years of your life loving lickety split.
But you are doing something that is detrimental to your heartbreak recovery. You are still talking to your ex! Listen, I understand that it is excruciating to go from talking to someone everyday to being on your own. You miss him and want to keep him in your life, but you are torturing yourself by continuing to try and have a friendship.
If he is the one that ended it, there is probably part of you that is hopeful you will get back together. By staying friends with him you may be thinking you can reel him back in. Forget it. Have faith that if it is meant to be, you will reunite, but for now it is time to move on with your life. Exes do not fall into the "friends" category.
Here is my relationship rehab suggestion for you: Stop ALL contact with your ex for at least six months. And by all contact I mean all forms of contact - in person, over the phone, email, IM, texting, etc., no cheating! I know it sounds drastic, but trust me, it works. When my ex-fiancé broke up with me, he insisted on no contact and was brilliant for doing so. Even though I missed him like crazy and desperately wanted to talk to him, being forced to withdraw and focus on my own life provided the quickest road to my heartbreak recovery.
Six months down the road, if you feel like you truly have accepted your life without him in it, then perhaps set up a coffee date with your ex to either get "closure" or take a step toward friendship. But until then, focus on your friendship with yourself and people you have not been in love with. Be gentle with yourself by giving yourself time to grieve - say goodbye to him and hello to whatever (or whomever) may be ahead.
- Christine
I'm twenty-four and in the process of looking for a new job. A question that I get asked a lot in interviews is, "What are your strengths and weaknesses?" I can answer the strengths part, but I have no clue what to say about my weaknesses. It seems like there is no right answer to that question - so what do I say? - "Stumped," 24, Maryland
Dear Stumped,
It seems like employers have been recycling this question for years, isn't there something more original they could ask? But since it's such a common question, you really do need an answer you feel confident about. Anything canned or taken from an interviewing tips book is going to sound, well, canned or taken from a tip book.
Here's what not to say, "I often take on too much and over-extend myself." Or "I have a tendency to work too hard." Everyone says that, and if you say that too, you won't stand out. If you say you have no weaknesses, you'll stand out too, but not in the way you want - you'll come across as arrogant.
So, what's the "right" answer? First, answer the question for yourself - what are your weaknesses? Come on, we all have them. Pick one that you'd feel most comfortable talking about in a professional interview. Then, think about how you have dealt with and are learning from this weakness. How you have used it to your advantage? In other words, how are you becoming stronger because of your weakness?
Still stumped? Here's an example. One of my traits I'd label a weakness is impatience. To a potential employer I'd say, "I am often impatient. I've learned that this is not a desirable quality when working with others and since I am aware of it, I've learned to be more patient. But I also value my impatience because it is a quality that propels me to be very effective. When it comes to meeting deadlines or getting a quick answer to an urgent question, my impatience is actually a strength."
Keep in mind you don't want to project an attitude of perfection during an interview (they know you are not perfect), but rather one of confidence and self-awareness when it comes to your skills and traits.
- Christine
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