Never Leave The Hospital! Health Tech Wearables, Implanted Chips

I'm having issues. I'm worried that the medical industry might want me to worry too much about my health. A little worry is good. But constant worry? It seems as if they want me to think of nothing else but my vital signs for the rest of my life.
11/04/2014 12:31 pm ET Updated Jan 04, 2015

I'm having issues. I'm worried that the medical industry might want me to worry too much about my health. A little worry is good. But constant worry? It seems as if they want me to think of nothing else but my vital signs for the rest of my life.

I've always been a big fan and supporter of tech and health tech. Fabulous stuff is on the way.

But there will be backlash:

  • Monitored. Many will balk at every burp being recorded, analyzed, crammed into an electronic spreadsheet and sent through the ether to who knows where.

  • Wired. It probably won't be wires stuck into every corporeal crevice -- but whatever it'll be will be considered invasive and unnatural by many.
  • Anxiety. Wired 'n Monitored will create a whole new disorder for the mental health industry. Having devices wrapped around you or implanted that constantly flash and beep will cause over-the-top anxiety.
  • How much feedback do you really need while taking a walk in the woods or playing some doubles? And beepers going off to tell you you're a lazybones? It sounds like fun once or twice, but pretty soon shorts and a T-shirt will be all you'll put on. Being wired like an android every minute and checking vitals after every breath and twitch could cause a slew of new anxiety afflictions -- a boon for therapists.

    Of course, there will always be a few people who'll love this stuff, people who put everything they excrete from all orifices under microscopes and check for abnormalities -- when they really should simply be looking in mirrors and be anxiety-ridden by their anxiety-ridden expressions (another boon for therapists).

    Maybe I've stumbled onto something. It's the therapy industry that will benefit from all these strap-on monitors. If you wear them, you'll be anxiety-ridden. If you don't wear them, you'll be anxiety-ridden.

    I'm getting all itchy and jittery just thinking about whether I should wear them or not.
    ______

    Next week, Part II: Finally Live The Life You've Always Wanted With Wearables!