My god-children have two mommies, so it's hard for me to think about my work today, after the mass shooting in Orlando. And yet, I can't help but think that this ongoing turmoil around mass shootings is in so many ways like the ongoing turmoil families experience around addiction. How do we overcome addiction? Completely new actions. Can we apply the same principles to mass shootings? Here are four concepts from addiction recovery that might help us go forward from this tragic mass murder in Orlando, so that it really doesn't have to happen again.
1.We co-create our communities. One of the things we talk about a lot in addiction recovery is that we co-create the situations we inhabit. Call it family dynamics or family systems; the idea is that we are part of a system and by changing our behavior, we can change that system. We don't wait for someone else to change, we start the process ourselves and encourage others to follow.
I for one do not want to be part of a system that has as a matter of course normalized an expectation of mass shootings. And yet, because we collectively take no action, we have acquiesced to be part of a system that accepts mass shootings of innocents - school children, college students, Bible students, dancing revelers, and movie goers - as the norm. This is no different than a family that has accepted that one member (or more) has a problem with addiction and they're just going to muddle along with it because that's how things are. If we want change, we must act in new ways and stick with those new actions.
2.Changing our behavior, changes the system. When we change our behavior, the system cannot stay the same. If I choose to act in a way that promotes recovery, my day will be made up of entirely different actions than when I was using. Those around me will respond to me as a sober person, not an addict. Addiction recovery is a manifestation of Gandhi's idea to be the change you want to see in the world.
We have allowed ourselves to become a nation that accepts victimization. Every time there is a mass shooting, media and social media erupt into shouts for various types of actions - and then a little time passes and nothing changes because our actions as a group do not change. I remember when President Reagan was shot; there was an almost immediate push for the Brady Handgun Violence Protection Act and advocates did not stop until it was made law. It wasn't fast and it wasn't easy, but it came because enough people wanted a change and they continued to take action until the change was made.
3.We are the ones who control our behavior. The crack pipe gets in your mouth because that's where you put it. And while addiction may have kicked your butt, you are not hopeless or helpless to make change.
In the same way, if we want gun control laws, then we can't just get angry on Facebook or Twitter and "demand" gun control laws from our national representatives and then sigh and go on with our days when they don't do what we asked. We have to force them to pass the legislation we need or vote them out in November and replace them with those who will make change. Inaction perpetuates the status quo. If you want something to be different, you have to make it so.
4.You have to keep moving forward to keep from falling backward. The biggest focus of addiction recovery is relapse prevention. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got." If enough is really enough, take action. If not now, when?