03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

NBC, Please Stop Slapping People In The Face

I do not understand NBC. I've tried to. I really have. But, alas, I do not.

Hell, I even like NBC. I do. And not just the NBC of yesteryear, with the Seinfelds and Cheerses and the Cosby making the funny. That current Thursday night lineup is unbelievably solid. I don't know when it happened, but "Parks and Rec" became my favorite show, with "I'm Ron Fucking Swanson" being my favorite line from a sitcom since "I just blue myself."

They seemed to be on the right track, cutting these shows some slack even if they didn't match the ratings "Two and a Half Men" drew with all its subtle sexual innuendo and convicts. (Oh Sheen! How you wound me!) But it was all a big ruse. Duping me into thinking they had patience and an actual interest in making compelling television. I'd even forgotten the whole reason Jay Leno had a 10 o'clock show was because they'd given up. "Well, we can't make shows as good as 'CSI,' so let's make nothing."

So what the F, NBC? What the EFF? Why must you make such poor decisions? Why? Giving Leno back the 11:30 spot is a big slap in the face to Leno, to Conan, and most of all to everyone who's watched your network and stuck with you.

I can handle you slapping me in the face. You've done it before and you'll do it again. I'll keep telling FOX and CBS that I fell down the stairs.

But please, don't slap Conan. He doesn't deserve it. Remember, it was you who deConanified Conan. I'm not just talking about a lack of a masturbating bear. Why does his set look like a day time talk show? Did you borrow a reject powder blue back drop from "The Bonnie Hunt Show?" Nothing against Bonnie (she's great as the 8th lead in "Jerry Maguire"), but Conan's old show had such a loose feel, like a late night hang out. His new show feels like I'm meeting him for lunch and I'm checking my watch to see if I have to get back to work

And don't slap Leno. I know he gives you a big target (chin joke! chin joke!), but lay off the guy. And just so you know, I have nothing against Leno. He may not be my cup of tea, but he seems like a quality guy, and you're dicking him around. Look at that new haircut. It looks like he went to the barber and said "make me look cool," but his barber just happened to be John Travolta.

With Leno, NBC should give him a time slot, and let him find his rhythm. If they don't want to bother to make primetime dramas anymore, fine. But don't keep jerking him around - he's not "Friday Nights Lights." If they do, they might as well just put him on "Good Morning America." I know that's an ABC show, but if we're playing by NBC's logic, it's all fair game.

And while we're at it, I'd probably enjoy "CSI: Conan." Have at it, NBC.