THE BLOG
02/16/2016 10:51 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

When the Law of Attraction Goes Wrong...

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I first learned of "The Law of Attraction" in 2007, around the height of The Secret craze. Rhonda Byrne laid out the principle that "like attracts like," that we have the power to create literally anything from wealth, to relationships, to better health by focusing our attention on it.

At the time, I was a few months into a new job as the Program Director for a radio station in California that was underperforming in the ratings. Since it was my responsibility to turn things around quickly, I decided I would give manifesting a try. I wrote down an inflated goal for audience share that almost seemed unattainable. I put it on post-it notes that lived on my bathroom mirror, my computer monitor at work, and even on the dashboard of my car. I would visualize downloading the ratings and seeing that big number on the screen. Even after I started slacking on the visualization, I kept the Post-It notes up where I could easily see them.

Within months, I was amazed to see that not only has the ratings grown, but my station hit the exact ratings share that was on my Post-It note.

Feeling a bit like a wizard from Hogwarts, I decided to use The Secret to address my love life. I had dated here and there after moving to the west coast, but now I felt ready to be in love. I would journal at night, putting out into the universe my desire to meet someone who shared my same interests with whom I could fully give myself to. I would envision the romantic dinners that I could take them on, the experiences I could provide my new partner as we travelled together.

Sure enough, I was able to call in a new relationship. Just like I envisioned, we shared a strong common passion for the arts. Just as I pictured, I found someone to whom I could give myself to.

But around the six-month mark, I realized that I was doing an awful lot of giving and not getting back. In fact, I started feeling depleted as I didn't feel that I was getting the return on investment I wanted in the relationship.

But I was getting exactly what I asked for.

I was so focused on how it would feel to support, nurture, and share fun experiences with a partner, that I wasn't opening myself energetically to receiving love in return.

I now see the same mistake happen with people who aren't even consciously aware that they are manifesting.

While having lunch with a close friend, she spoke about how she likes to make everyone around her feel good about themselves, which is an admirable quality at face value. Yet, she also complained about being drained by relationships with people who were too needy.

She didn't realize that by holding an intention to make everyone feel good, she was attracting relationships with people who need constant validation. And those relationships can be a gigantic energy suck.

The bottom line is that if we are not crystal clear about our true intentions, we can call in some really messed up energy when we manifest.

This is why Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of the modern authorities on the power of intention, says he turned down the opportunity to be featured in The Secret. He disagreed with the central idea that we attract what we want. According to Dr. Dyer, we attract what we are.

As he explains in the video, the biggest factor to consider in manifesting is how you finish the thought "I am..."

If you refer to yourself as an "aspiring author", you will always be aspiring. "Starving artists" will find it difficult to make a living from their craft. Entrepreneurs who calls themselves "dreamers," will always have big dreams that never seem to become a reality.

As it turns out, the old cliché about "faking it 'til you make it" is actually true.

So take out a piece of paper, write "I am" across the top, then begin to list the things that you seek in your life. Once you focus your energy on embodying the qualities of what you want to be, you will start to see it manifest into physical form.

Want to learn more about how to set an awesome vision for your life and make any dream come true? Join me Thursday, February 18th at 7:30pm EST for my FREE "Download Your Dreams" webinar. I will share the techniques that helped me become a nationally read blogger in 2 days. You can apply these same tools to any aspect of your life! One lucky participant will win $250 in free personal coaching with me. Reserve your spot by clicking here. Can't make the live event? Sign up anyhow and I will send you a link to the replay within 24 hours so you can Download YOUR Dreams!