Give Thanks (and Leftovers) to the Job Creators

Alms for the rich!

WASHINGTON - Don't give your Thanksgiving leftovers to that food bank or homeless shelter.

America's job creators have an idea that will avoid making the nation's "takers" even more lazy and shiftless and, at the same time, help build our domestic energy industry.

Ed Goldenspleen of Goldenspleen, Goldenspleen and Brackish, believes that leftover food is best contributed to the supply side of our economy, where it can support job creators.

"We've invented a new process to take precious food that might be wasted feeding our hungry and convert it into a fuel substitute that can help sustain the wealthiest one percent of Americans," said Goldenspleen. "Kind of gives you goosebumps, if you think about it."

How? Leftover food can be mulched and converted into a biofuel, which can then be exported via the Keystone pipeline to oil starved refineries in Texas, generating profits for our domestic oil industry.

Those job creators can then grow the economy by hiring new maintenance people, line workers and other low-wage positions.

When those low-wage workers are on their way home to their trailers, cars and sturdy cardboard boxes, they will likely throw a couple of quarters into the cups of begging homeless people, who can take use those quarters to purchase quality hot meals from the dollar menu at McDonald's.

Those purchases help McDonald's increase profits and the cycle begins anew.

"It's almost hard to imagine no one's thought of this before," said Goldenspleen. "Ending hunger as a goal sound nice. But where does it end? Does everybody need a swimming pool? Let's let the market dictate."