06/03/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Audacity of Souter's Successor

I want a woman to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court, but that might not happen. The reason? YouTube sensation Susan Boyle is Scottish. Actually, that's not the reason.

There are many American women qualified to succeed Souter on the way-too-male court, but Barack Obama has his eye on a guy -- namely, Barack Obama!

After all, Obama already wears many hats. He's president, he's centrist-in-chief, he's almost the CEO of two auto companies, he's a cheerleader for Portuguese water dogs, he's executive director of the Americans Civil to Hugo Chavez Union, etc. So why can't Obama also be a Supreme Court justice without giving up his Oval Office occupancy?

Don't forget that William Howard Taft held both positions. Not at the same time, of course, but the 325-pound Republican might have gone the simultaneous route if he had lost enough weight to sprint between the White House and Supreme Court Building. That D.C. dash should be a slam dunk for the slim, physically fit Obama.

What about the separation of America's three branches of government? You know the three I'm talking about: corporations, corporations, and corporations. Oops, I meant the presidency, Supreme Court, and Congress. Well, what about it? In 2000, five Supreme Court justices did the GOP's bidding when they voted George W. Bush into office over real winner Al Gore. Then Congress rolled over and allowed Bush to start the Iraq War debacle. Some separation of government.

Finally, when it's time to interview Obama about the Supreme Court post, Obama would have no trouble locating himself. He just has to find the route to the nearest White House mirror, which should be no problem given that Obama also wants to become the head of MapQuest.