10/31/2016 04:26 pm ET Updated Oct 29, 2017

If You Experience An Election For More Than Four Hours

Call a doctor, a really good psychiatrist, because every single one of us needs one desperately.

At this point, the election cycle has now taken on the characteristics of Hurricane Katrina and we're all a bunch of soggy survivors standing wearily atop our rooftops with the word "HELP" spelled out in chads.

On some levels this is no longer about who wins or loses because the citizens of this country are divided into two basic food groups: the Depleted and the Deplorables.

Hey The Statue of Liberty, long ago left us a voice mail saying: Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door! 

Well you, got em' babe and it's all of us.

It feels like we're all election walking dead zombies now and our two surrogates, Battling Hillary and Donald the groping smug, self-entitled deviant are going to take this to the final round Rocky-style and all we can do is sit back in our easy chair with an IV of Jim Beam flowing through us while we watch them rock em'/sock em' the shit out each other, while the more intelligent of us scream, "Stay down Donald! Stay down!"

Life for the last year began as a kind of bizarre, but amusing side show circus where the main attraction, shocked the tented crowd with his logic defying acrobatics, juggling lies and verbal abuses while being painted pretty much like an orange clown.

Overnight this was more successful than Hamilton and every single network was more than happy to give you the circus 24/7---for free. It turned the media star into meteor star and he was the talk of the town.

We were oddly unified in our bewilderment of our new national pastime. Intuitively we knew that like all good TV shows, sooner or later this would end. Seasons being truncated now to 8 or 12 shows makes it easy to binge, purge and get on with our lives, like the entertainment famished, skeletal high fashion model viewers that we are.

Hillary's show was a familiar one to us and felt initially like a repeat of a previous season.

I mean beginning with the Megyn and Donnie Show (she was a little bit rock and roll and he was a whole lot asshole) plus all those mindboggling supporting GOP characters: Ben the narcotized bear, Mario the incompetent, Jeb the buffoon, Carly the Miss Representation of Planned Parenthood were all network gold.

This was cage match heaven. Forget Palin and Bachmann.

This was the year of the clowns---on and off campus.

And thus spoke the Gods of ratings who informed the masses: this shall go on and on and on and on.

But like all good Energizer products (with their opposing anode and cathode parts) sooner or later they runs out of energy and power and ultimately leaves us the victim of, well assault and battery.

So now here we are, one giant Edvard Munch painting and trust me we are all screaming.

It's just no fun anymore. The three heavyweight debate fights took it all out of us and eventually I could no longer tell the difference between the SNL sketches and the real deal.

This kind of over-saturation providing SAME THING entertainment happens to be a Hollywood specialty with the logic being, if it worked once, then give it to them again a million times until we have squeezed all the blood out of their hearts, brain cells, souls and wallets.

We live inundated lives. We are inundated with cable TV channels, which if life was a garage sale, we would no doubt sell each and every one of them on our front lawn for 5 cents and at the end of the day, since there were no buyers, into the recycle bin they would go--because recycled they will be. They will be right back after these messages.

We live, standing on the sidelines, watching the parade of sameness go by and what's fascinating to me, is the one thing that Trump has achieved is tapping into a large swath of this country who are so sick and tired of the SAME THING, that they would literally shoot the other candidate rather than go back to their SAME THING lives.

And who is listening to that clear and present message? Not The GOP. They never did and never will. They were way too busy being defensive linebackers who had pledged on day one to O-sack Obama.

But here is the thing: in the process they sacked not only this country (and that began with the I'm a Dick and Not Curious George show who simply flushed us all down the Iraqi toilet of Depression) but they sacked themselves.

And they still don't get it.

There is already talk about how they will sack Hillary and her presidency and she hasn't even been elected.


Personally I would use two words to describe that kind of behavior and neither one of them would not be "patriotic."

I would use the words "sedition" and "treason." But don't worry. They will blame the Democrats for their own ruthless behavior.

Trump has branded himself by branding America: literally. His name is eall over us, seared into our national DNA. Which is what he wanted all along.

Funny, I don't remember any of the Trumps: Donald, Connie, of the Crisco slathered Fredo or Skittles, talking about their charitable work on behalf of mankind. I just remember them staring up at their shared Roman God-like cognomen on the wall of shame of their new D.C. hotel.

Now it's up to you whether you want to check in or not.