THE BLOG
09/17/2014 01:09 pm ET Updated Nov 17, 2014

Why 'The One' Is A Myth

When someone comes to my website and joins my newsletter, I send them a "Welcome To The Family" email where I ask them about their biggest dating issues. Most the time, men tell me they're looking for a fun, sexy woman. They want a woman they can hang out with, and enjoy life with. When women respond they talk in much deeper terms, and talk about finding "the one."

In my opinion, "the one" is nothing but a myth. I think we have a very unhealthy way of looking at dating that needs to change. If you're someone who's looking for "the one," I want to ask you a question. How many times in your life did you think you'd found "the one?"

You need to realize quickly, that for most people, the Disney fantasy you're looking for doesn't exist. Now, think about your friends who are married -- how many of them are in amazing marriages with "the one?"

How many of your married friends are madly in love with their husbands? How many of them can say they're living the Disney dream?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you won't ever find a great man to spend the rest of your life with. It happens to some people, but couples that last the distance are the exception rather than the rule. There's no rule that human beings are entitled to find lasting love. If it happens then great, but it's not something we can expect.

The reality is through your life, you're going to meet a ton of interesting guys. Dozens of men will walk into your life. Some will only be there for a day, some will be there a few months, and others for a few years if you're lucky. The trouble is, when you spend your whole life chasing "the one" you're not experiencing the present moment. You go on a date. You have a great time with a guy. But if there's one feeling not quite there or he's not perfect, you won't see him again. I want you to think back to when you were younger than you are today.

Back then, you'd hang out together. You'd laugh. You'd have fun. You'd soak up every moment of the experience. Spending time with the opposite sex was new and exciting. Suddenly you'd realize you'd spent the last 30 days and nights together, without knowing where the time was.

You didn't pre-judge people, and you had no unrealistic hopes or ambitions for the relationship. You were only just getting to know yourself. Even when you got hurt, you'd get up and move on without thinking much about it.

It just feels like when women hit the age of 40 they suddenly go into power drive trying to find the one. They're so determined to find the one; it becomes their mission in life. Every date becomes like a life-threatening event. There's so much pressure and frustration I'm not surprised so many women struggle to find anyone special.

Men over 40 tend to desire relaxation and fun. They want to meet a woman who isn't going to drive them crazy or force them down the aisle. That's why so many older guys are attracted to younger women. Younger women are more open, relaxed, and not so focused on finding "the one."

I honestly think we need to change our mindset and start finding the fun in dating. I see so many AMAZING women who are alone when they should have great men in their lives. I see women who would make perfect partners, but they're so focused on the dream they turn away so many great opportunities.

It's time to start enjoying the moments. We don't know how long we're going to be here, and the more we engage with people, and the more fun we have, the more likely we'll be to attract someone amazing.

You may never find your Disney prince, but you may have a series of princes in your life. It's time to change your focus, and concentrate on loving life. I guarantee things will change, and the men you start to attract will transform too. Men want to have fun. Men want you to adore them. Men want you to let go. Open up to the possibilities and opportunities the universe hands us every single day. If nothing else, you start enjoying life more, and that's what it's all about.

To find out how to understand men, check out the free video posted on my site called, "Understanding Man Talk"