01/07/2015 03:18 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Be That Difference


I sit here thinking of how many broken hearted there are in the world. How many are suffering and struggling beyond the comprehension of most. My thoughts are drawn to the immediate days, weeks and months following the passing of my precious Cait Chivonne. How can I accurately convey the beauty and love that surrounded me and my family during those darkest days?

Perhaps an excerpt my book Love Honor Celebrate: A Mother's Journey of Transition best describes it:

We returned home to find dear family members gathered to receive us, and as we each came together in hugs of profound sadness and undying support, Bob and I felt as if we had been riddled with bullets and beaten profusely in the head and body, as if with baseball bats. The shock and reverberation that continually surged through us was unbearable. And yet, at the same time it seemed that we were somewhat removed from the situation -- as if watching a flat, black-and-white film of the events as they unfolded before us. It felt like being numb and in severe pain all at once; it seemed as if time flew and stood still all at once. All things, as we previously knew them, simply ceased. All things, as we previously perceived them, simply stopped. It was as if everything fell right in place at that very moment and became frozen, cemented in time. Any movement felt like slow-motion, floating, and our view was clouded, as if we were moving ever so slowly through a fog, feet never quite hitting the ground. Somehow, I knew Cait's spirit was right there, at the center of it all.

The ensuing day... days... weeks... months... were filled with people. People coming in and out of the house, people bringing us food, hugging us, comforting us, calling us, texting, emailing, Facebook posting... weaving the very cocoon that would come to surround us for some time, the cocoon that would serve to protect us as we embarked on this most difficult path in our life's journey. And so, the transition began.

If you know someone who has suffered an enormous loss, please, reach out to them! You have the power through your kindness to play a part in their salvation. Play that part. Be there. You don't need the right words, trust me, they are hard to come by. Simply be there. Let them feel your presence, your concern and your love. It matters. It can make a tremendous difference. Be that difference.