07/23/2012 12:05 pm ET Updated Sep 22, 2012

How Does Anyone Watch 'Bachelor' Shows Anymore?

"The Bachelor," "The Bachelorette" and "Bachelor Pad" fans, I need your help. Well, "help" might be too strong a word -- because it implies that I care. But I would love some insight thrown my way as to why millions still tune in to watch any or all of the three aforementioned shows.

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means a TV snob. Please. I've never missed an episode of "Dancing With the Stars" and I watch "Big Brother" every summer. But in my entire life, in all the seasons of "The Bachelor" (16), "The Bachelor Canada" (1), "The Bachelorette" (Season 8 just wrapped) and "Bachelor Pad" (Season 3 premieres tonight), I've watched two episodes -- both times because I drew the short straw and someone needed to recap it the following day -- and that was two episodes too many.

I don't get it. Every woman reeks of desperation, every man seems like a perv, and I've never even sampled "Bachelor Pad" because the last thing I want to do is spend my Monday summer nights watching former rejects of a show I can't stand competing for money (helloooo, that's what "BB" is for). Oh, and there's that "second chance at finding love" crap, but let's call a spade a spade here: it's all about a chance at a big jackpot while trying to eke out 15 more minutes.

There are many of you out there who watch it for the sheer entertainment value, but I get none of that. I only feel embarrassment. And frustration. The hours (which felt like eons) of the shows I have seen have been absolutely cringe-worthy; ridiculous, at best.

Love isn't all roses and champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries thrown into one giant unrealistic fairy tale. That's just what Chris Harrison is trying to make people believe. What happens when things get real for these couples, when there are no more cameras following them to mountaintops and oceansides and candlelit rooms? The excitement goes away just as fast as that promise of happily ever after. It seems like the only reason they do a season now is to find the one reject in the pile of rejects who will star in the next installment. A vicious cold-hearted cycle, non? I wonder if some guys/gals go on the show just for the hope of starring in the following season. Sadly, there is probably some truth to that.

Ultimately, it just seems so fake, whether it's a guy popping the question or a girl accepting a ring after weeks of over-the-top dates with dozens of others. And the shows' track records speak for themselves. Seriously, "The Biggest Loser" has produced more successful relationships. Accidentally finding love on a reality show is one thing, but participating on a reality show for the sole purpose of meeting that special someone seems like it's doomed before it begins. On "The Bachelor/ette," there's love, there's being in love with the idea of love, and there's in love with being on a reality show -- and the majority seem to fall into that last category.

If you watch the show, I'm not judging you, I swear. I just don't get it. So please, explain it to me. Because right now, it's unfathomable.

"Bachelor Pad" premieres tonight at 8 p.m. ET on OMNI1 in Canada and on ABC in the US.