The Spanish Basketball Team on Oriental Expressionism

In response to media outrage over the Spanish national basketball team making a slit-eyed gesture in a recent newspaper advertisement, the team's point guard, Jose Calderon, who plays for the Toronto Raptors professionally, issued a statement on his personal website.

No way, Jose! Dude, you are clearly unschooled in the way of our people and in desperate need of an educasian. First of all, everyone knows that if you want to make an Oriental Expression ("OE"), you do it with your hands, yo, and not your eyes.

The Peace Sign should always be your first option:

But in a classier, more formal Oriental setting, you could opt for the Buddhist prayer gesture, or Prayer Hands, as we like to call them.

Prayer Hands project a certain gravitas and are always considered "appropriate" and "somewhat loving" by the Orientals.

But, sheeit, why stop at "somewhat loving"? You're in the Land of Love You Long Time, after all. If you really want to demonstrate your affection for our people, why not, in the words of Chris Berman, GO. ALL. THE. WAY??!

Which brings us to the Middle Finger, aka The Finger, Flipping the Bird, The Bird. Because nothing communicates "huge respect" as appropriately as this expression does. Take it from us -- two bona fide Orientals -- the Middle Finger may not be exclusive to our culture, but it's nevertheless prized among rice eaters. Not only because it's succinct and to the point, but because it leaves no room for interpretasian. And interpretasian is really the culprit in this case, and not, say, willful ignorance and cultural ineptitude, right?