I Am Possessed by a Demon

01/08/2015 09:59 am ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

The jig is up. It is time I came out of the closet and made an announcement: I am possessed by a demon. I have been possessed since childhood.

Why am I making this shocking revelation now? I just finished reading Gina Miller's article "Teen's Suicide Shows Tragic Folly of 'Transgender' Delusion," on the RenewAmerica website. I cannot keep silent any longer. In her article she states that homosexuality is "demon-related." (She also states that transgender people are absurd, disturbed, evil, selfish, wicked lunatics. But I skipped over those paragraphs because she struck such a chord with me about homosexual demon possession.) My Faustian bargain has been exposed.

It started at the time of puberty. I was alone in my bedroom (or so I thought), looking at a picture of The Hardy Boys' Parker Stevenson in an early People magazine. A burst of flames erupted from the foot of my bed. A slick, sexy man with a sly grin appeared. Looking surprisingly like Parker Stevenson himself, he glowed orange in the center of the hellish fire.

"Who are you?!" I demanded. "What is going on here?""

"I have been watching you," the demon said.

"You've been doing what?!"

"When you look at People's Parker picture, there is a stirring in your genital region, yes?"

"What?! No!"

"Don't lie to me."

"What do you want?"

"I want your soul."

"Why?"

"So that when you grow up, you will contribute to the fall of Western civilization."

"What is your name?"

"Lucifer. But you can call me Lucy."

"But you're a boy. Lucy is a girl's name."

"I know! Tantalizing, isn't it? Imagine that! Wonderfully wicked, no?"

"Why would I give you my soul, Lucy? What's in it for me?"

"If you give me your soul, I will let you look at Parker's picture without feeling guilty. All the other boys at school will make fun of you. They will harass and bully you in the locker room. Great tension will arise between you and your parents. You will face discrimination when looking for a job or housing. You may not marry the person you love."

"All that will happen if I say yes?"

"You betcha."

"Sign me up! It all sounds terrific!"

And just like that I was possessed by a demon. At first I thought I was the only one who had been visited by this dark and alluring force. But, a few years later, I made a discovery.

"Hey," I said to an attractive boy.

"Hey," he replied.

"Um... so."

"Yeah."

"It's great hanging out with you."

"Uh-huh. You too."

"Thanks."

"Yeah, so. Uh... what d'ya wanna do?"

"Well, uh... I, uh...."

"Yeah."

"Your eyes are amazing."

"What?"

"Um, I, uh... I didn't mean to offend you...."

"It's OK. I had a feeling you were, you know... that way."

"I am. You?"

"Yep. I made a deal with Lucy years ago."

"You did?! Me too! Oh, my god! I thought I was the only one!"

"Shaun Cassidy?"

"Actually, it was Parker Stevenson."

"There are a lot of us that were pulled in the same way."

"Really?! Wow! No kidding!"

"Let's make out passionately."

"Yes! This folly is fantastic!"

"I feel so craven, dark-minded and perverted!"

"I love it! I am selfish, deluded, and filled with self-hatred!"

"What a turn-on! Give me that hot mouth of yours."

Before long I realized that there were millions of other demon-possessed homosexuals. I am not merely gay. I am a secret member of the sinful, degenerate, radical homosexual movement.

I recently turned 50 years old. It is time to turn over a new leaf. Thank you, Gina Miller, for your compassionate, kindhearted article exposing the truth of this wicked movement. My bargain with the devil has plagued me for almost 40 years. But now I feel renewed. It is time that all homosexuals heed Gina Miller's words and 'fess up. Reveal your own "dark and perilous" truths!