11/12/2013 09:37 am ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

What's Your Marriage Vibe? Rock, Classical or Tango?

Yes, yours has one. A vibe that is. An energy that defines what you and your mate have created together. Much like a symphony or musical score, you have tones and beats and rhythms that represent the kind of energy you share. The mojo you have managed to build into the ways you reach out to one another. Ultimately how you think and feel about your life partner.

Maybe your vibe looks like the Argentine Tango where your wife swirls around the stage, carefully injecting martial-art-like kicks between your legs, while you pull her close and let her body go limp in your arms.

Or perhaps you dance the Salsa, where both your individual forms promenade across the stage, while intermittently plummeting into each other's arms - complete with twirls, sensual hip rotations and spicy "we'll sleep together later" looks into each other's eyes.

And maybe classical music rocks your love life. Where you saturate yourself with softer tones that eventually escalate into bubbling crescendos, reminding you that love can be soft but leads to fervent embraces and formidable, genital affection in the bed you inhabit together.

So whether hard rock, folk or any other style, you and your lover have a vibe. A kind of energy that defines the love life you have developed together. Not just your sex life. But all the ways you care for and reach out to your lover.

Unfortunately, however, some vibes don't resonate so well. May be some of the instruments are out of tune or worse yet, one lover brings in the Salsa and another Hard Rock. They just don't mix. In fact, they clash and you can't hear the melody any longer. Imagine a musical concert and everyone plays the music in a different key. Nightmare. The sounds don't work and the melody deafens your ears. Eventually, you put on your own ear phones to tune out the other sounds. And no one listens any more. You enjoy your own private vibe. By yourself. In your own world.

So the real question centers on this - perhaps the most important inquiry you will explore together: What kind of music do you want to make together? What do you want love, belonging, synergy and mutuality to look like in this dance called marriage? Your way of loving one another has huge potential - some realized and some untapped. How would you measure yours? In other words, what kind of marriage do you want - including all the ways you touch each other's spirit and soul in and out of the bedroom?

Follow these suggestions for creating an even better love life - where all the instruments eventually blend in fine tune with one another, complete with soft and surging harmonies in all the ways you connect:

1. Ask yourself - What kind of dance characterizes our marriage? Envision both of you on the dance floor with music permeating the air, invisible enchantments that help create romance and mutual surrender. Ask each other, "What does our dance look like and what do we need to do to be better lovers, to share a deepening passion?"
2. Remember, sometimes two lovers like different kinds of music. They may need to work harder at blending tunes - but don't give up. Explore each other's love language - what makes you feel loved and valued. Share this with one another and commit to moving each other in spirit and soul. And don't forget, body!
3. Learn to vision together. In other words, map out a plan for better harmony. For creating a relationship you both want. Dream together about lifestyle, frequency of sexual contact, financial goals and how you have fun together.
4. Never forget you have your own brilliance - an inner tune you dance to that makes you unique and special. Cultivate this with practice and attention to your own growth. For when you do the Salsa, you have to know your part. So ask, "Where do I need to grow in my life to be a better, more present lover?" Maybe you need to seek a therapist, life coach or meditative, spiritual group to further you along. We all need furthering so plan your own future that keeps you in step with your own melody, not what others need from you or expect. Cultivate all the ways that make you a prize as a person and soul.

The lyrics to "We Got the Beat" by the Go-Go's say it all:

Go-go music really makes us dance
Do the pony puts us in a trance
Do the watusi just give us a chance
That's when we fall in line

'Cause we got the beat
We got the beat
We got the beat, yeah
We got it

So fall in line. Learn your best steps and invite one another on the dance floor of love, passion and romance. The dance floor of life. Practice your timing and don't forget, you have to practice.

Cultivate your own mojo and flaunt it as you glide across the carpet or hard wood floor. And when you near your life partner, remember the sheer blessing of knowing one another deeply. And what it means to touch the spirit and heart of the one you've chosen, where you both feel the warmth created by a finely tuned life. A dance so daring and purposeful that you melt in the ambience of the musical beats that cross your life and mind. Your own tune. Your own vibe.

The vibe you create from your own heart - and the one you then create together.'ve got the beat.