10/07/2011 04:52 pm ET Updated Dec 07, 2011

12 Reasons Sarah Palin Won't Run for President (Doug's Dozen VIDEO)

Oh, there are a lot of reasons. In fact, there were over 24 before she washed her hands.

She got nervous because she couldn't see Russia from the District of Columbia.

Also, she was worried about the cocaine cartel there.

Nor was the District of Colombian coffee all it was cracked up to be.

And she would have to get through the Electoral College... after all the years and campuses she'd had to hit to graduate the first time!

And then there were all those duties of the President she'd have to memorize! Man, it was impossible enough just remembering "preside over the Senate and replace the President if he dies."

This new job, telling the Vice President and his Vice Squad what to do... was clearly going to tax her mentality. And Sarah was unalterably opposed to being taxed, especially on things of which she was in short supply.

Oh, there were myriad reasons why Sarah Palin decided she would not run for President, but I'm thinking of a very special Dozen...

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